Nikol's Random Thoughts

Next Stop: Paradise Falls

2011-08-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Someone in Utah created the house from Up. The following video has the designers explaining all the details. I don't really know why they went to all this trouble for what is essentially a novelty. I mean, are they going to sell this place? Just have tours? I don't know. But, hey, who isn't a fan of whimsy?

"In my day, they'd Photoshop that stuff!"

2011-07-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in Rite Aid, and when I hit the check out line, I noticed this cover of More magazine featuring Lisa Kudrow:

Now, normally I'm one to laugh at the ridiculous amount of Photoshopping they do on the covers of magazines. But this time I'm going to complain about what they DIDN'T Photoshop. Mainly, poor Lisa's weird flyaway hair. Do you see that there's a strand of hair looping across her forehead? And look at the top of her head - the hair is sticking straight up. Was she in a wind tunnel? Too close to an electric fence? Why did they publish it that way? Sloppy!

Also, is More magazine new? I don't think I've ever heard of it.

Neville Longbottom Before and After

2011-07-19T13:46:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite characters from Harry Potter is Neville Longbottom. In fact, I really tried to convince my husband to maybe have Neville as a middle name for one of our kids (but we went with Atticus instead which...totally better, don't you think?). Neville was kind of a minor character in the movies, and I understand why it had to be that way. But there was so much more to him and to his story. Neville totally rocked. And I don't mind saying that I was bitterly - BITTERLY - disappointed when it turned out Neville wasn't the one to take out Bellatrix Lestrange in the end. Anyway...remember when he was all cute and goobery in the first movie? Here's what he looked like then:

Along the way, he looked like this. All teen awkwardness and unfortunate teeth:

Here's what he looks like now:

My goodness.

On Writers & Writing

2011-07-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

In the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Marilyn Monroe's character at one point says, "It's terrible to be lonely, especially in a crowd." The quote always struck me as sort of profound. I like that it illustrates that loneliness isn't just a matter of being around other people, it's purely emotional. That, in fact, you can feel alone when you clearly AREN'T alone. And, taking it one step further, in my younger years I related that quote to teen angst. You feel like your problems are so unique. That no one understands you. That no one has ever gone through what you've gone through. But, the truth is that most people have been through pretty much the same thing. Oh, sure, we're all very special snowflakes and we all experience things differently. But there are several elements of "the teenage years" that are universal. And, along those same lines, there are elements of ourselves that we think are very unique when really, they're not. I might have a talent for, say, playing the clarinet. And I might not know any other clarinet players, so I feel very unique. But, in reality there are hundreds of other clarinet players out there. Thousands.

How does this relate to writers and writing? I'm trying to get there. When I was young, I loved writing stories. It was my favorite pastime. And I'd often think that one day, I'd like to be an author. And there was really no doubt in my mind that I could do it. I love writing. I like to think I'm decent at it. I'm familiar with grammar rules. I figured that it would just be a matter of self discipline to get the job done. I knew about queries and literary agents and blah blah blah. None of that really worried me. I knew I could get published. Please note that I said this was when I was young. As in, young and naive, and perhaps a little stupid.

Since joining the blogging community - if what I do can even be called that, because this blog is really a bit of a joke comparatively speaking - I have come to realize how many people fancy themselves writers. Not just "fancy themselves" as writers, but are actual writers with books in progress, or maybe with already published work. And in talking to these folks, and in reading about their struggles, I've realized something about myself: I am no writer. Nor do I particularly want to be one at this point.

It was kind of difficult for me to come to terms with this realization, considering that becoming an author was basically a lifelong dream of mine. But being an author involves a lot of hard work. More work than I realized in my starry eyed youth. And, truth is, I'm lazy. And fairly sensitive to criticism. Also, not good with deadlines. That is the trifecta of doom for a potential author. It's kind of embarrassing to admit that I thought it was easy to get published. That all it took was a little spark of creativity. It really takes a lot of focus, determination and discipline. The older I get, the more I've come to realize that most successes in life are not truly determined by one's talents - they're more about a person's drive. Hard work is the way to get what you want in this life. That doesn't just mean in terms of work and career - it could even be successes on the home front. Marriage takes effort. Being a good parent means a lot of hard work. Being good at a hobby means lots of practice. Being a good cook means trying new things and working to develop your skills. Very, very few of the true joys in life will fall into your lap. So, it's just a matter of deciding what's worth the effort.

So, my hats off to all you writers out there, be it for blogs or novels or research or otherwise. The passion and dedication you put into your craft is a marvel.

Now, to put more effort into achieving my true dream job: lotto winner.

iDixit

2011-07-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

Last week, my friend Jorge told me about this new game you can download for you phone, and it's now somewhat of an obsession. It's different from other games I've played. Jorge described it as being sort of like Apples to Apples, but it's more abstract. I love it. And I'm hoping that you'll download it! It's free until the end of July! What do you have to lose?

To describe the game, here's a blurb from the company's website:

Dixit is a game for 3 to 6 players. The concept is to confront your own way of thinking with the other players' by giving them a clue, neither too precise nor too vague.

Each player has 6 cards in his deck. The first player (the storyteller) selects one and gives a clue reflecting his perception of the picture. Each other player chooses a card they think matches best the given clue, then all cards are revealed. The goal of the game is to find out which card had been chosen by the storyteller, while avoiding the traps set by the others

So, when you start playing you're given a set of images like this:

If I was going first, I would be "The Storyteller." I would choose one of the pictures and then I would record a short blurb in my own voice giving a clue about the picture I chose. So, let's say I picked that first picture with all the food on the table. I might record something simple like, "The Feast." Or I could do something like, "The diet isn't going so well." My short recorded clue is then sent to the other players, who look through their images and choose one that would go with my clue. Actually, if there are very few players, they might be asked to choose 2 images instead of one. Then all the images - my original, and the ones the other players picked - are then presented to the players for votes to see if they can guess which one I was talking about. After my turn, the next player becomes "The Storyteller." And you just keep going until...I don't know how high the score goes. In almost every game I've played either a player bails out, which interrupts the game and ends it, or else my WiFi cuts out.

The game is best when there are several players - like 5 or 6. You need a minimum of 3. I've never played in a game with more than 3 players, and sometimes when I log in to join a game I have to wait for a while before enough people show up to play. But it's really fun once it gets going.

To download the app, look for iDixit (note the "i" at the beginning). Here's what the icon looks like:

Download today! All the cool kids are doing it!

Circle of Life Ramblings

2011-06-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

So, that PotterMore thing I talked about in my last post turns out to be an online game. Ho Hum. Not excited. Seems like a cash grab. And...really, JK Rowling? You act all mysterious, hoping the suspense will build, and THAT's the payoff? An online game? Bah.

Moving on.

It's been such a sad week for me. Monday marked three years since my dad died. So I was already feeling melancholy that day. Then two of my coworkers found out they'd had deaths in the family that same day. One was a death after a long illness. The other was very unexpected and particularly tragic. There's nothing you can say or do to really comfort anyone when they're struck with such a painful loss. So you just feel sad and helpless and awkward. Desperate to help, knowing you can't. Watching your friend hurt. It's just awful.

Nothing soothes my troubles like spending time in the garden. Well, I also find watching Wheel of Fortune strangely soothing. Also: eating cupcakes. But I digress. I find that after a hard day, I really feel more at ease once I've gone out and spent some time with my plants. I don't think I'll ever cease to be amazed and delighted by watching seedlings spring up and flourish. But what I find particularly amazing and delightful are when plants "volunteer." Tomatoes that I had last year dropped seeds in the garden which sprouted on their own with the Spring rains. I have about 14 tomato plants this year - maybe more - in three different varieties. They all just came up on their own. One tomato plant is growing out of a crack in a rock wall. But it's HUGE and healthy and producing like mad. I also have a watermelon plant that came up on its own. And basil that reseeded itself, too! Sometimes just letting nature do its thing yields amazing results. Sometimes letting nature do its thing means rabbits get into your garden and eat the tops off all your adorable baby cucumber plants. So...you know, it's not always perfect. Still, I feel like the garden reaffirms to me that there's a time and a season for all things - both literal and figurative. So, while I mourn with those who have lost, I also have cause to celebrate: babies being born (Congrats to Cassie!), my 3 year old finally deciding to talk after months of speech therapy, husband really close to landing a good job, and Crazy Sister and I getting along better than we have in years.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Something's Afoot!

2011-06-16T11:22:00.001-07:00

This morning as I checked on one of my new favorite blogs, Stellar Four, I saw it. And thank you to the fine ladies at Stellar Four for pointing it out! Something new is happening in the Harry Potter universe! Something called PotterMore.

When you go to the PotterMore website you see this:

And if you click on one of the owls, it send you to YouTube, where you see this:

Well, that's what I saw. Clearly the countdown is ever-changing. Still! In about a week, there's an announcement coming!

What could it mean? There have been some rumblings in the media that JK Rowling might revisit the wizarding world. She appeared on Oprah once, saying that she didn't think she'd write more, but that she could do it someday. While I would love it, I'm not really holding my breath for more books. But, who knows?

I remember a few years back when a friend of mine who works at Sony was talking about how they were thinking about developing a video game sort of along the same lines as Everquest or World of Warcraft that would be an online interactive Harry Potter game. At the time, he said that it was very iffy because they were concerned about the issues of online predators and whatnot with a game that would ostensibly be targeted toward a younger demographic. When I first saw the PotterMore stuff, that is what sprang to mind: some sort of online "experience." But, again, who knows?

What do you think it might mean?

Tony Awards

2011-06-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

The Tony Awards were on last night. I wouldn't say I'm a huge theater geek or anything (but heaven knows there are plenty of OTHER things I geek out about), but I do love me some Broadway. I also love Neil Patrick Harris, who was hosting last night. There was also the promise of seeing Stephen Colbert dancing around in a pork pie hat. How could I stay away?

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying stars Daniel Radcliffe. Here's a clip:

I think Daniel Radcliffe is a great actor, and I'm sure he's going to have a very long and fulfilling career. I have no doubts that he's going to be a major star. Remember back in the days of Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire, when movie stars weren't just actors - they were also singers and dancers? To be a star required you to be a really well-rounded entertainer. I see that in Daniel Radcliffe. He's destined for big things. And yet...we all know how we're going to see him. Doesn't matter how well rounded he is, how many plays he's in, or how many awards he wins. We'll remember where he started. "You're a wizard, Harry..."

Back to the Tonys! The highlights included this bit with NPH and Hugh Jackman. It's just delicious. My favorite part is the dancing part in the middle. Though the waltz at the end is pretty awesome, too.

And then there was this number which reunited the cast of Company. That was seriously an awesome cast. Patty LuPone? NPH? John Cryer? Martha Plimpton? Stephen Colbert? Yes, please!

There was also the...adventurous outfit worn by Whoopi Goldberg! I think we last saw that hat on Captain Barbossa!

And The Book of Mormon musical won a bunch of awards. Nine, I believe. You know, there are lots of people who were upset about The Book of Mormon musical. It ruffled a lot of feathers. I know that it pokes fun at Mormons. I'm sure there's probably plenty of jokes that are in poor taste. But it's written by the South Park guys, so what do they expect? The musical has never bothered me. If they want to say that Mormons are annoyingly cheerful and wholesome, it doesn't offend me. And I thought the song they performed at the Awards last night was funny:

I don't really understand the part about Kolob being a planet. Or about Jesus having his own planet. But...whatever. Maybe I fell asleep that day when it was covered in Seminary. hee!

Finally, there was a little dose of schadenfreude in the form of Brooke Shields. (Sorry - I couldn't find an embeddable file!). She flubs her line in the opening not once but twice, and then later has to get bleeped when she swears while presenting. Such a nice way to round out the evening. Oh, Brooke!

What's on the Tube?

2011-06-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes scrolling through the show directory is more entertaining than actually watching TV.

And Lifetime Movie Network is always a treat:

A Few Unpopular Opinions That I Hold

2011-04-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

1. The Breakfast Club is a boring movie.
Look, I know that everyone from my generation is supposed to worship at the altar of John Hughes, but I just can't stand this movie. It's a bunch of kids sitting around in detention. It makes me feel like I'm in detention.

2. Uggs are just glorified slippers, and therefore look ridiculous when you wear them in public.
I have lots of friends who own and frequently wear Uggs. Friends who I know read this blog. This is not meant to offend any of those fine people. I'm sure they're warm and they're comfortable and blah blah blah: they're slippers. Therefore, if you are in a setting where it would be silly to wear, say, pajama pants, then Uggs will likewise look silly. And the name! My goodness, could they have picked a less appealing name for them? I wish they'd just call them mukluks. That's basically what they are. But isn't mukluk so much more fun to say?

3. Pregnant women who wait to be "surprised" by the sex of the baby are weird.
Look, I get it. There are very few true surprises in this world. But...dude. It's a surprise whether they find out at the ultrasound just like if they found out in the delivery room. And if they find out before the baby is born, then they won't have to buy everything in gender neutral colors & themes. No one wants an all-yellow wardrobe. Just sayin'. I think they like not knowing because they enjoy the shocked reaction they get when they tell people they're waiting to be "surprised." Whatever, attention hogs!

4. Parades are lame.
I can't stand parades. Oh, I've been known to watch the Tournament of Roses parade on occasion because flowers are awesome. And I completely and unironically love the Main Street Electrical Parade as Disneyland because for whatever reason it's a very, very vivid and happy childhood memory of mine. I even like listening to that synthesized soundtrack to that parade. It came up on my iPod yesterday and it put me in the best mood! I LOVE THE MAIN STREET ELECTRICAL PARADE AND I AM NOT ASHAMED. But I digress. With these two small exceptions, parades are silly, frivolous, boring and cringe inducing. I vote NO on parades.

5. The scene in Pride & Prejudice where Mr. Darcy comes out of the lake dripping wet is not sexy. At all.
Everyone seems all aflutter when they watch the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice starring Colin Firth (call me, Colin!) and see him pop out of the lake on his way back to Pemberly. I've heard people talk about watching it over and over in slow motion. I do not understand this at all. Wet does not equal sexy. Especially when it's with mossy lake water. And then he was squishing his way back home in wet riding boots. Blech. There are plenty of scenes in that movie that bring the chaste Victorian heat. That is not one of them.

Post-Easter Post (hee!)

2011-04-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd seen this and could have posted it yesterday since it's so appropriate for Easter. This is one of my favorite hymns. We sang it at my father's funeral. It speaks to my heart on several levels. And while I'm not exactly Carrie Eyeshadow's biggest fan, I love that she sang this with such enthusiasm. And I especially love all the people nodding and smiling in the audience. That's right, it's good stuff.

That song is powerful.

The Secret Word is: GERIATRIC

2011-03-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

Last week while on some miscellaneous website I noticed an ad for an HBO special that aired this weekend: Peewee's Playhouse on Broadway! I don't have HBO, but I assume it will be available somewhere at somepoint so I was still excited. I loved Peewee's Playhouse! Paul Rubens is awesome!

And then I couldn't remember the name of the Cowboy on that show. So I went over to IMDb to look it up. And that's when I saw it.

Paul Rubens was born in 1952, y'all. He's going to be 60 next year. That made me die a little inside.

SyFy Movie Ending

2011-02-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

So, I finally watched the end of Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. I don't really want to spoil the end completely, but there was some really great stuff! So I'll just omit the names. Will that work?

One of the stars gets eaten by a giant python while swinging from a rope ladder hanging from a helicopter over the dynamite depot!

After watching her once-enemy-now-friend die, the other star sets off all the dynamite in the depot, which rocks the helicopter and makes her fall out! She plummets to the water below, but survives! Giant chunks of dead gatoroids and mega pythons are falling all around her as she stands up, thanking God she's still alive. And...one of the chunks was a python head that hadn't been properly pithed! Meaning it can stay alive for up to an hour! The severed head bites her in half.

The movie wraps up, saying a year has passed and the area that used to house the dynamite depot is now an estuary named after the two women. The grim Dr. Diego Ortiz dedicates it in their memory and gets choked up during the ribbon cutting ceremony.

Now you can sleep at night, knowing how the story ends. You're welcome. In other SyFy news, I heard they made a Titanic 2. I am quite intrigued by this idea. How do you make a sequel to a movie about a ship sinking? Is it just another storyline, happening concurrently with the Rose & Jack sapfest? Is it something that happens after the Titanic sinks? In which case...why call it Titanic 2? I personally would like to see it involving mermaids that live in the wreckage of the Titanic, but something tells me that's probably not the case.

Brief Opinions on the Grammy Awards

2011-02-14T15:22:00.000-08:00

I watched approximately 15 minutes of last night's Grammy Awards. I turned on the TV just in time to catch Cee Lo Green. This delighted me since I quite love that song. It further delighted me because he was joined by Gwyneth Paltrow. And...well, it also confused me a little bit. I mean...puppets? Really? But I guess they were sort of going with a theme, considering Cee Lo's outfit:...was a recreation of the outfit that Elton John wore when he performed Crocodile Rock on The Muppet Show:
I love Cee Lo, I love/hate Gwyneth, and I love the Muppets. Are they three great tastes that taste great together? Or...not? There were puppets playing keyboards and drums. There were puppets singing backup vocals. Also, Gwyneth was wearing a jumpsuit thing with weird bright pink feather earrings. There was too much happening on the screen. I think my eyes bled a little.

And while I have not jumped on the Bieber train, I would have felt a little more comfortable if he'd won Best New Artist. Because it always makes me feel a little bit bad about myself when I haven't even heard of the person who wins. Also, can we all just agree that Florence and the Machine should have won? Have you listened to that album? Dog Days are Over is an anthem!

Also, can someone explain the difference between Song of the Year and Record of the Year? I mean...."record" doesn't mean the same thing as "album" - because there's another category for Album of the Year. So I don't get what Record of the Year is all about.

My final brief opinion is that I thought it was incredibly sweet when Katy Perry performed, and had footage from her wedding projected on the billowy curtains behind her. Awww, she's a newlywed and in lurve. Le sigh.

Lying Liars Who Lie

2011-02-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not proud of it, but I lie about silly things sometimes. Like if you ask me if that blue eyeshadow looks good on you, and I don't feel like getting on my soapbox about how I personally feel that blue eyeshadow never looks good on anyone, nor do I want to hurt your feelings, I'll probably just say "sure" and be done with it. Or if you decide that you're going to put seafoam green carpet in your living room. I might make a comment like, "ooh! It's so springtimey and fun!" But what I really mean is "Dude. What is this? 1983?" Most of the time when I lie about silly things it's to spare someone's feelings, or to avoid confrontation. But little white lies are still lies, and really there's nothing admirable or desirable about it.

There are many reasons you shouldn't lie. Like: you might have to eat your words. Literally.

One of the doctors I work with was talking about a local fancy pants restaurant. I'd been there a few times with the Hubbs for special occasions, so I commented on how great the food is. The doctor remarked about how much she loves the Lobster Bisque. Now, I don't particularly like seafood. And seafood soup is far from appealing. But, since I was just going along with the conversation, I simply nodded when she said that and said, "Yeah, it's amazing!" I didn't really give it much thought. She was just talking about the restaurant, I was agreeing with her. Half listening to her, really.

She wanted to take me out today for a late birthday lunch. Guess where we went. Guess what she INSISTED I order. And, not wanting to offend or to admit I'd lied before, guess what I ate.

Honesty really is the best policy.

Just like Mom

2011-02-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

My oldest son recently found out he needs glasses because he's nearsighted. We picked up the new specs yesterday at the optometrist. I know I'm biased, but I thought he looked great. Here's our conversation in the car:

Me: You look fantastic in your glasses.
Him: Thanks. I'm worried that people will think I look like a dork.
Me: No way. You look great. They make you look so mature and smart.
Him: You mean smarter.
Me: (laughing, because that was a crack up) Anyway, I showed a picture of you in your glasses to Kris. Her daughter E wears glasses, and E was happy to know another kid who wears them.
Him: So she's glad to know me?
Me: Well, yeah. Can't say I blame her. I know I'M glad to know you. You're awesome.
Him: Obviously.

Aaaaand: scene!

Mega Python vs Gatoroid: The Recap

2011-02-01T13:24:00.001-08:00

Hard as it may be to believe, not everyone tuned in to watch Mega Python vs Gatoroid. So, I figured I would recap it for you!

First, an intro by Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. Tiffany says this movie contains big scary monsters, awesome cat fighting, and a hillbilly rampage. Debbie says "Sounds a lot like my Electric Youth tour." If that's how they set the stage, I think we're in for cheesy good fun.

The movie starts in a shadowy lab with lots of snakes in glass cases. At least I think it's a lab. What other place would have snakes like this in glass cases? Snakes R Us? Anyway, we see Debbie Gibson in her shorty-shorts and tank top, a boring lab assistant, and a pretty Asian girl all "rescuing" the snakes by stuffing them into bags. Debbie pulls out a boa constrictor and holds it up, marveling at its beauty. Or maybe we're supposed to be impressed that she's holding a snake? Whatever the case, we learn that she's one of those militant animal rights people who doesn't believe snakes belong in cages. They're God's creatures and should be out in nature! She and her two assistants make a get away in her jeep. But then a cop starts following her! Probably because she stole a whole lab full of snakes! They have one of the most ridiculous chase scenes ever. It actually looks like they're just driving through the park. But Debbie loses the cop when the police car swerves to follow her around a curve and flips over! How fortuitous for Debbie! Then we see Debbie and her friends in the Everglades where they release all the snakes. Clearly, this movie is going to rock my face off.

It's the next day and we see a dog and its owner on the bank of the swamp. The owner is tinkering with his boat while the dog hangs out by the water. Clearly, it doesn't look good for Fido. The camera pans to swirls in the swamp scum. The dog starts barking and...wait, he runs into the woods? I thought for sure something was coming out of the water! What's up with focusing on the swamp scum? Maybe this is their idea of a shocking twist! Anyway, the dog runs off. We hear some sounds of a struggle and then a yelp. The dog owner goes looking for the dog and screams when he sees a huge snake! Which he then shoots! And then we see a big bloody mess with both some dog remains. I guess we're supposed to infer that he blew apart the snake and the dog was inside. The owner cries. The special effects on this movie are ah-mazing, by the way.

And now: Tiffany! She's working for the Department of Forestry and is in charge of the Everglades. She's also in shorty shorts and a very low cut khaki shirt. Wow, Tiffany is really busting out of that uniform. Yeesh. Ok, she talks about how the gator population is way down, and that she cannot issue any gator hunting permits to the group of hillbillies drinking beer outside the Department of Forestry office. She gets on the phone with a handsome man who is working on renovating a cute old house. He says they should get together to go over the color scheme for the wedding. So, apparently he's Tiffany's finance. Exposition!

In the next scene, Debbie is driving down the road and - oh no! Someone is shooting at her! So she pulls over to find the people with guns. That sounds sensible. She finds a trio of hillbillies. She snaps at them for shooting. Oh, I guess they weren't shooting at her. They were shooting at snakes. But this makes her even more mad than if they were shooting at her! Then, the guys parlay Debbie's love of snakes into a bunch of dick jokes. Debbie says that instead of an anaconda in his pants it's more like a Lumbricus terrestris. That's a common earthworm, y'all! Burrrrrrrn! Then there are some gator sounds coming from the water behind them. They turn and see an awesome snake vs. gator fight! It's a giant python springing up out of the water and wrapping itself around the gator. It's also biting the gator a lot. I thought pythons were all about constricting? Whatever. Just go with it. The hillbillies shoot at the gator and snake, which enrages Debbie. For an animal rights & environmentalist nut, she really doesn't seem to care much about gators. Just snakes. After the snake takes out the gator, Debbie and company hit the road.

Cut to Tiffany and her Forestry crew examining what looks like part of a gator tail. Her Forestry deputy says they couldn't find the rest of the gator, and should probably break out the scuba gear to find it. Why on earth would they get scuba gear to search the swamp for some animal remains? Whatever. Just go with it.

We see Debbie next to her jeep, still in the Everglades. I'm not sure what she's doing, but Tiffany's fiance drives by. He notices an impossibly huge snake coming up behind Debbie, about to eat her. He backs up his truck and runs over the snake a couple times in order to save her. Of course, rather than being grateful, Debbie is angry because that girl loves her snakes! He shakes his head and drives away to meet Tiffany.

When he meets Tiffany, he tells her about the scary snake encounter. So snakes are killing her gators! Tiffany can't stand for that. She suggests they set traps to catch the snakes. The hillbillies who hang out in the Everglades suggest they could hunt the snakes. Tiffany agrees to this plan.

Next we get an explanation on how to kill snakes. The deputy demonstrating has a rubber snake. He says that you should grab a snake, whack its head on the ground, and then shake the snake around a lot to "pith" the head. Otherwise the head can stay alive up to an hour! I ask you, what difference would it make if a constrictor's head was alive or not? The dangerous part is the body that will squeeze you to death! But...whatever. Just go with it. Debbie is with a group of animal rights protesters who are angry about the injustice about to be done to the snakes that she illegally released. Debbie is wearing a psychedelic mini dress that reminds me of stuff Goldie Hawn wore back in her Laugh In days. Debbie gets in Tiffany's face. One loves gators, one loves snakes. They're nasty to each other, and let me say that when these two fight, it's just magic. Debbie snaps at Tiffany, "Well, it looks like someone had bitch for breakfast!" Clearly one of the most poetic lines in cinematic history.

Next we see the Hillbilly brigade in a boat, looking for snakes. But they admit they'll hunt for gators, too. They are equal-opportunity. The camera shows a duck floating in the water nearby. Then a huge gator pops out of the water Jaws-style and takes out the duck.

Then we see a forestry officer and a hillbilly with a gun poking around a bunch of old buildings. I have no idea where they are. They open a shed and see that it's full of giant snake eggs. They had to open a big steel door to get into this shed. How did the snake get in there? The hillbilly goes looking around the rest of the grounds while the officer calls in to the forestry office to report the eggs. He says, "There's a HUGE bunch of eggs at the Dynamite Depot!" Oooh! This place is full of dynamite? Fun! It's nice that they have a dynamite depot out in the middle of nowhere with nary a fence or a lock in sight to secure it. That makes sense. The officer then hears his pal the hillbilly scream. He searches for him, and then comes across the hillbilly's dismembered body. The torso, a leg, a hand. So...the giant python - which crushes its prey and eats them whole if I'm remembering my days in 6th grade science class correctly - basically chomped off this guy's head and ate it, but decided to leave the other body parts laying around? What? The officer doesn't stop to ponder these questions, though, and instead decides that he's going to shoot the crap out of all the snake eggs. You know: in the dynamite depot. I'm expecting an explosion. But - shocking twist! - instead a snake comes out and grabs the officer by his sleeve and drags him away to eat him.

Folks are searching for snakes. One of them says, "Here, Snakey Snake!" My husband, who is watching this with me, replies, "That's not something you hear much outside of prison." That husband of mine is fun.

Tiffany's fiance - oh, apparently his name is Justin! Justin and another local yokel are searching for snakes. The Yokel is tired and breathless from all this swamp trekkin' and wants to rest. Justin goes off on his own to pee on a tree while the yokel rests by the water. There's this lacy bit of something hanging in the tree next to him. Oh, hey! It's a giant snakeskin! This freaks him out when he realizes it, which makes him back slowly into the water. And...a giant gator gets him. Meanwhile Justin finishes peeing and - oh no! a giant snake is in the tree above him! He chops off the head, but the giant snake body falls out of the tree and knocks Justin to the ground where he loses consciousness. When he wakes up, he's staring at the severed head of the yokel. He screams and jumps up to call Tiffany on the walkie talkie. He's talking to her, and then realizes there are half a dozen giant anacondas surrounding him. He tries to be calm on the walkie with Tiffany. He asks her to talk to him about their wedding. She's confused. He yells, and the walkie cuts out. Tiffany insists they have to find Justin! They go to the area where Justin had been, and they can hear the static from the walkie. But - oh! It's another giant snake, attacking them! Tiffany stabs at it with a knife. She cuts a perfect slice in the side so that Justin's walkie talkie falls out of the snake. Justin is gone! Oh, and her deputy dies, too. Tragedy abounds!

During the commercial, we see more of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany chit chatting. Tiffany says, "I can't believe my fiance is dead!" Debbie says, "Yeah. I think you're alone now." Hee!

Back to the movie, Tiffany is very distraught over this snake issue. There's also some talk about a big benefit they're going to have to raise money for the Everglades. Some PR person booked a singing monkey to perform. Blah blah blah, she questions how a singing monkey going to really entertain people at this benefit. I don't understand why they're talking about this, but whatever. Tiffany has to figure out this snake problem ASAP! That's when she comes up with the idea to get a bigger gator! Bigger gators would kill the snakes! Meanwhile, Debbie thinks the way to stop the snakes from being hurt is to install cameras throughout the Everglades and film everything. Alrighty then.

Tiffany is in a lab of some sort talking to a guy named Manny. She's trying to get him to give her some steroids to feed the gators. Manny warns that steroids cause acne and aggression. And we all know a gator with blemishes isn't something to mess with. Manny also says he has an experimental steroid concoction that basically increases muscle growth exponentially. It's too dangerous to use. Tiffany doesn't think so. She insists her plan will keep the balance of nature preserved.

Then we see Tiffany and another assistant injecting steroids into some raw whole chickens. She puts bottles of the experimental stuff into the body cavity of the chicken. She actually utters the words, "This isn't crazy at all! What could go wrong?" You know, I hate to say it, but at this point I'm getting irritated with this movie. It's really contrived. Cheesy movies are better when they're not really aware of how cheesy they are. You want to see actors really trying to sell it. That's what makes them mockable and fun. If they know it's bad, and they're purposely making it bad...well, it's just too forced. Booo.

Okay, back to the movie. They feed the steroid chickens to the gators. We then see a montage of gators growing like crazy, and the gators then laying super-sized eggs. We also see the swamp snakes eating the eggs, and then the snakes start growing like crazy. Clearly the steroids brought bad juju to the Everglades.

Next we see Debbie and company installing their cameras throughout the Everglades. They come upon a dead snake that is simply enormous. Even Debbie is dumbfounded by the size of this thing. She wants to take the remains with her, and says they'll need to get a Semi. Just then, two giant gators come out of nowhere. There's screaming and running, and pretty Asian lab assistant dies.

More talk about the benefit and the singing monkey. I hope this goes somewhere.

There's also a "native American" guy named Diego Ortiz who is a herpetologist that wants to help with this Everglades problem. He finds a bunch of giant gator eggs. He tells Tiffany they need to be blown up with dynamite. She insists that she won't do anything to hurt gators. She tells Diego to leave her alone so she can get ready for the benefit.

Scene: the benefit. It's a lovely catered party. Tiffany is wearing a particularly boobalicious dress. Debbie shows up in a strapless white number that makes her look like she has no chest at all. I have to say, it's interesting to see the contrast between them. Tiffany is curvy and bustin' out of a black dress. Debbie is on the cusp of being Madonna-style sinewy, and she's in a white dress. Good vs evil! And now they bring up the singing monkey again. And my heart stops when I see it's Mickey Dolenz. MICKEY DOLENZ. So, it's a singing Monkee! I see what they did there. And I can't even hate on it because, as I mentioned in my 100 Things About Me list, I used to be obsessed with The Monkees when I was younger. And Mickey was my favorite one. Oh, Mickey! (You're so fine!) Is this really what your career has come to? My heart is breaking a little bit.

Diego calls Tiffany from the park outside the benefit. He demands that she call in the National Guard. This gator & python problem has gotten out of hand! She refuses and doesn't want to jeopardize the fundraising.

I'm really losing interest in this movie. Are you still reading this recap? It's long. And I have a box of Girl Scout cookies calling to me.

Debbie shows up at the benefit. She and Tiffany have an awesome cat fight where they throw food at each other. There's a gratuitous shot of Debbie smearing whipped cream all over Tiffany's cleavage. Bleh. We get a shot of the Gatoroid army approaching the tent. Diego shows up and tells everyone to run for it. Mickey Dolenz says he's going to sing, and then gets eaten by a python. Diego calls the National Guard - which he apparently had on speed dial. He tells them there's "a gator of literally massive proportions!!"

They leave town. The pythons and gators have escaped the Everglades and are wrecking havoc in Florida. Tiffany, Debbie and Diego get the idea to split up. Tiffany and Diego will lure all the creatures back to the Everglades with the use of some sort of pheromones that they'll spread using a crop duster. Debbie will set up dynamite in the magic cave where all the python and/or gatoroid eggs are waiting to hatch. The pheromone crop dusting plan is working for a while, but then they crash the plane on the highway.

Are they able to lure the creatures out of the city? Can they figure out how to stop the pythons and gators? Will they be able to blow up all the gator & python eggs before a new legion of mutated animals gets unleashed? How many times can they make "I think we're alone now" jokes before you throw a shoe at the TV?

I can't answer these questions because I didn't finish watching the movie. Should I bother? Would you want to read about it? Are you even still reading THIS? Bueller?

It's THAT Day

2011-02-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday, y'all! As my good friend peewee pointed out, I should have given you advanced notice so that you could have showered me with gifts in a timely manner. What can I say? Mea culpa.

We found out yesterday that my husband lost his job. It was really a shock to me, because yesterday was his first day back after the whole kidney stone debacle. He'd been out of work for almost 6 weeks, so we were looking forward to him getting back into the routine. But apparently while he was gone, they managed OK without him which made them realize that he wasn't really necessary. The official reason given was that his position "was being eliminated due to company restructuring." It was truly horrible news, since it's such a rotten time to be looking for a job. I'm trying to stay optimistic. It's frightening, but we're not entirely destitute. This situation could be so, so much worse. And he promises that since he'll be home, he'll do things like regularly take out the garbage and mow the lawn! See? There's always a silver lining.

Another silver lining is that two of the cutest Girl Scouts you've ever seen came to my door and sold me cookies yesterday. I drowned my sorrows in a box of Tagalongs.

And today one of the doctors I work with brought in some Sprinkles cupcakes.

It's a good day for a sugar coma!

Mega Python vs Gatoroid

2011-01-29T20:03:00.000-08:00

Dude. There are no words for the awesomeness that will be Mega Python vs Gatoroid. It stars Debbie Gibson (that's right, punk. I called you DEBBIE. Not Deborah: DEBBIE. You wanna make something of it?) and Tiffany.

DEBBIE GIBSON AND TIFFANY.

If it's half as good as Sharktopus, we are all in for a treat.

I Wish I Had More Fun Content

2011-01-29T16:51:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to say that I was both honored and horrified to be chosen as one of Karen's Blogs of the Week. Honored because I love Karen and it's so awesome to be recognized. Horrified because dude, I hardly ever update this stupid thing and my last post was about my mother-in-law's junk falling out of her body! Not exactly the type of post that would welcome and attract new readers. Sighhhhhhh.

But, it is what it is. If Karen's blog pointed you here, thank you so much for visiting!! I'll repost my "100 Things About Me" list from way back when I first started this blog (with a few changes). Because when you come to a new blog, you want to know how crazy and neurotic the writer is, right? Right.

Without further ado...

1. I am afraid of heights – especially heights over water.

2. Our first Christmas together, The Hubbs and I were so poor that our “gifts” had to be practical things we needed anyway. His gifts to me that year included a colander and a plunger.

3. When I was 19 years old, I dated a guy who was 35. I’d met him at ComicCon.

4. The first time I tried coffee was a night I was going to a concert and was physically exhausted. I needed to wake up, and thought coffee would do it. Knowing nothing of the coffee world, I ordered what sounded like a yummy drink that involved lots of chocolate and minty flavors…and a triple shot of espresso. I thought my heart was going to explode.

5. At age 9, after reading The Diary of Anne Frank, I decided that I needed to have a diary, too. I was an avid journal writer all during my teen years. I even named my diary, like Anne Frank did. Anne’s diary was named Kitty, if I remember correctly. Mine was Amanda. (I've since posted some diary entries here on the blog - check them out. They're hilarious and angsty!)

6. I met my husband in front of the LA County Museum of Art. We were there on a high school field trip.

7. When I was younger, I played the piano for 5 years, then switched to clarinet which I played for 2 years.

8. I’d like to learn to play the banjo.

9. I would like to be a doula. Childbirth fascinates me.

10. I never knew either of my grandfathers. Both died when my parents were young.

11. I have only ever had one cavity. I was devastated when I found out I needed a filling.

12. I used to have multiple earrings in each ear (7 on the left, 2 in the right). I took out all but one set to prove a point at church. I miss the rest of my earrings almost every day.

13. I think my husband is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.

14. Sometimes I think I know more than him.

15. The first concert I went to was Morrissey in March of 1991. At the concert, I parked illegally and had my car towed away. I had to call my dad to come pick me up.

16. I sing in my car almost every single time I drive somewhere alone.

17. I think I sound fantastic.

18. When I was a kid, I had a reoccurring nightmare about a cow in a tree. It terrified me. I had the dream on and off until I was an adult. I didn’t stop having the nightmare until I got married.

19. I knew I wanted to marry Matt after our first real date.

20. I kissed Matt first.

21. I really hate watching TV in the dark.

22. I’ve never seen Titanic, nor do I particularly care to do so.

23. When I had to have a c-section with my first baby, I felt like a failure.

24. When I was able to have a regular vaginal birth with my second baby, I felt a sense of accomplishment like nothing I’ve ever known.

25. When they told me I had to have another c-section for baby #3, I actually felt a little relieved that I wasn’t going to have to go through all the hard work of labor.

26. I’ve never drank alcohol, and never done any illegal drugs. I did, however, try smoking cigarettes. I smoked my way through a pack of Marlborough Reds over a two month period, and decided that smoking was stupid.

27. I’ve always wanted to write a book, but when I realized how much work and dedication it would take, I realized my actual dream job wasn't to be an author, it was to be a lotto winner.

28. Being a lotto winner would be a lot easier if I actually played the lottery.

29. My favorite color is blue.

30. I think my favorite color is blue because it’s the color I look best in. I also love the color yellow, but I look sick when I wear it.

31. My favorite movie of all time is Singin’ in the Rain. But Clue is a very, very close second.

32. The first album I ever bought was Cyndi Lauper’s She’s So Unusual.

33. I like horror novels and scary stories.

34. The scariest story I’ve ever read is a children’s book called Taily-Po. My second grade teacher read it to us. It has stood out in my memory my entire life because it scared me so much. A coworker gave me a copy of the book for my birthday a few years ago after I told her the story. It’s still super scary. I almost can’t stand to read it. Almost.

35. When I was in high school, I had a framed picture of Steve Martin on my bedroom wall.

36. My first car was a maroon Honda Accord with no hubcaps.

37. My favorite author is Kurt Vonnegut. I haven’t read all his books, but I adore those I have read.

38. My first online purchase was a copy of S. Morganstern’s book The Silent Gondoliers. It was out of print at the time, and I bought it through Barnes & Noble’s rare book dealer.

39. I was in the crowd shot of the music video for Stone Temple Pilot’s Wicked Garden.

40. I’m a messy person, but not a dirty person.

41. I’ve never broken a bone.

42. When I was 16, I had my tonsils out. I actually looked forward to it, thinking it meant lots of ice cream. But ice cream was too sweet, and too cold for my wounded throat.

43. I had Lasik surgery to correct my nearsightedness in 2006.

44. I wore navy blue Converse low tops to my senior prom.

45. My ultimate comfort food is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a big glass of chocolate milk.

46. I love watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.

47. I’ve been to the taping of 4 different TV shows: Arsenio Hall, Whose Line is It Anyway, Friends, and That 70’s Show.

48. I volunteered for the Perot campaign back in 1992.

49. Though I am Christian/LDS, I think Pagans have a good thing going.

50. When I was 5 years old, I stuck a button up my nose, thinking it was funny. It got stuck and I had to have it surgically removed. That was not a happy day.

51. I have a really great memory.

52. Because of my great memory, I hardly ever had to study when I was in school. If I heard it once in class, that was enough.

53. When I sleep, I almost always need to have my feet outside the covers.

54. In high school, I was voted “Most Memorable” in my senior class.

55. I love notebooks. I hoard them. Sadly, I also love them so much that I don’t want to “waste” them…which means I have lots of blank notebooks.

56. Gossiping has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.

57. It doesn’t stop me from gossiping.

58. I’ve seen the Violent Femmes in concert 5 different times.

59. I love having naturally curly hair.

60. I believe in ghosts.

61. I love gardening, even though I suck at it.

62. When we were shopping for houses, the house we ended up buying was the 3rd house we saw. I knew right away that it was meant to be ours. It felt like home.

63. When George W. Bush was determined to be President-elect back in 2000, I clearly remember saying that we’d end up going to war within the first year he was in office. I’m very sad that I was right.

64. When I was 10 years old, I was utterly obsessed with The Monkees. In particular, I was in love with Mickey Dolenz.

65. I bite my nails.

66. For my 30th birthday, I stopped biting my nails long enough that I was able to get my first and only manicure. I started biting my nails again 2 weeks later.

67. I love doing Tae Bo. But if no one else is around, I prefer Sweatin' to the Oldies.

68. I won’t ever go to the circus because I don’t support how they treat their animals.

69. I am also deathly afraid of clowns.

70. My grandmother collected hats. I thought that was awesome, so I started my own collection. In high school, I wore a hat almost every day.

71. I hardly ever balance my checkbook.

72. I don’t like being out in the sun.

73. I wear sunscreen every day.

74. I couldn’t stand eating raw tomatoes until my second pregnancy. Now I don’t mind them at all.

75. I can’t handle any movie or TV show with children in jeopardy. It upsets me on visceral level.

76. I have never owned a Barbie doll.

77. When I was 8 years old, I asked my mom if we could get a white toy poodle. Mom told me that if I really wanted one, I should pray for it. I did. One night during a rainstorm, a stray white poodle scratched at our door. We never found its owner. She was meant for me.

78. I have never doubted the power of prayer since then.

79. That poodle was attacked by two German shepherd a couple years later, as I looked on helplessly. She was torn to shreds.

80. I like black licorice.

81. I don’t like wearing shoes. I’d almost always rather be barefoot.

82. My favorite character on Sesame Street is Grover.

83. I was on the tennis team my freshman year of high school.

84. I joined the tennis team because my dad was a tennis champ back in Minnesota, and I thought he could teach me how to be really good.

85. Dad never played tennis with me. Not even once.

86. My guilty pleasure snack involves eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spoon, which I then dip in chocolate chips.

87. I always thought that when we were grown up, my sisters would be my best friends.

88. That hasn’t worked out the way I thought it would at all.

89. When I exercise, my face turns beet red and stays that way for a couple hours even after I cool down.

90. I can’t stand seafood, except for fish. Even then, I’m very picky about what type of fish I’ll eat.

91. I love the word Serendipity. I love how it sounds, and I love what it means.

92. That crappy movie with John Cusack almost ruined the word Serendipity for me.

93. I love getting in touch with old friends. Facebook makes me very happy for this reason.

94. I would never try out for American Idol. But if I changed my mind, my audition song would be “Band of Gold” by Freda Payne.

95. I once dyed my hair a deep burgundy color. I really loved it, but I never did it again.

96. In college, I once fell asleep in the library and woke myself up when I farted.

97. Sometimes when I laugh, I sound like Betty Rubble.

98. I was a cheerleader for my Middle School. I still remember the cheer we had to do for try-outs.

99. I talk in my sleep.

100. Rock of Love was my ultimate guilty pleasure show. I'll watch pretty much anything with Bret Michaels. This used to embarrass me, but I've just decided to embrace it.

Kidney Stones and other horror

2011-01-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

My husband has been struck down with kidney stones.

Most of the time, he's either in excruciating pain, or he's a Vicodin Zombie. Occasionally, he'll have moments of relief. But then the pain will come back, and he'll curl into a ball on the couch and stay there. Apparently he has a 6mm stone in his left ureter that doesn't seem to want to come out on its own. We're starting the 4th week of Kidney Stone misery. I am ready for this to be over. When he was initially diagnosed, the paperwork the doctor gave us said most stones pass within 48 hours. Doctors lie. At his last appointment, they said they'd schedule him for a procedure where they blast the stone apart with sound waves (it's call lithotripsy, which is a really fun word to say!), but so far he has no procedure date. See? Doctors lie.

In addition to that, my mother-in-law (who lives in another State) is suffering from acute cystocele. That's a prolapsed bladder. Or, in other words, her bladder is falling out of her body. Via her girly bits. If that doesn't horrify you into doing your kegels, ladies, I don't know what will. Allow me to add that the phrase, "a balloon from my vagina" is not something you EVER want to hear from your mother-in-law. EVER. She is understandably very uncomfortable, and pretty much unable to work or do much of anything. So, much like her son, she has to stay curled up on the couch all day. She's bored out of her mind, and so she calls us every day and wants to have long phone conversations as a way to pass the time. But she doesn't really have anything to talk about other than her medical condition. Did I mention she also has a rectal prolapse? I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say: the phrase "TMI" is not something with which she is familiar.

2011 is off to an interesting start.

A Five Pound Box of Money

2010-12-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

I see on many blogs lately, folks making lists of things they'd like for Christmas. Or gift giving ideas. And then I thought maybe I should make my own list. I think this lovely little song by Pearl Bailey sums it up nicely. See? Only ONE thing. How can Santa deny me?

Holiday Shopping GOOP style

2010-11-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

I was remiss in my blogging duties last week when I failed to post about the glorious GOOP newsletter wherein Gwyneth gives us her annual holiday gift ideas. They really are my favorite newsletters of the year. Remember some of the past gift ideas, such as cashmere socks for the bargain price of $45, Mallorcan hibiscus-infused sea salt, or a book of manners. Delightful! This year, she has some new fabulous suggestions. One of which are these customized fingerprint portraits:
Kind of interesting, no? And they're only $150 for a single print! They go up to $475 for double prints with text. In this economy, I think we can all agree that enlarged fingerprint portraits are a fine way to spend a hard-earned dollar.

But my very favorite suggestion this year was the monogrammed leather flyswatter:

For $52.50, you too can own this...unique gift. She's right about one thing: your relatives would not be expecting one of THESE under the tree.

Just remember Gwyneth's inspired words about the holiday spirit:

What is holiday spirit? For me, it means helping to create that atmosphere where loved ones feel full of cheer, like some happy secret is about to be revealed. Holiday spirit is a feeling of warmth, of togetherness, of connectedness. We get that by giving. We get it by watching cheeks flush with color when something opened and in the hands conveys a message: I know you, I get you, I see you.

Nothing says "I know you, I get you, I see you" like a flyswatter.

And now, apropos of nothing, is a fun little video I came across. I hope it makes your day.

Puns Make Me Happy

2010-11-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

The folks at the Cheezburger network seem to come up with new sites all the time. Or maybe it's just that it takes me a while to notice their various other sites. Anyway, the latest one is called Puns! Puns! Puns! and you should check it out. Because stuff like this?

Genius.

(It's Beetles crossing Abbey Road, see?)

Puckster's Album

2010-11-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

Mark Salling plays Puck on Glee, and he recently released his first album:
Pipe Dreams. I've noticed that I really talk about Glee a lot, even though I'd lost a lot of love for the show and removed it from my DVR. And yet, I keep bringing it up. Gwyneth's appearance. Now Puck's album. Sigh. Maybe I'll never be free. Anyway, back to Puck's album. I can't say I listened to much, but I decided to check out the samples posted on Amazon.

Dude, there's a song called Mary Poppins that's....well....let's just say that I think there's a reason they call this album "Pipe Dreams."

For the love of Cee Lo Green

2010-11-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

I first heard of Cee Lo Green from my good friend Jorge Garcia. Okay, so Jorge Garcia isn't really my friend - but isn't that basically how you feel about someone when you read their blog for a long time? Like you know them, somehow? (Your answer: "Umm...maybe if you're an insane stalker....") I have never even commented on Jorge's blog. But I've been following him since his days on Lost, and I think he's an all around awesome guy. So, I refer to him as "my good friend Jorge Garcia" even though he has no idea I exist. I'm really getting side tracked. Back to Cee Lo Green. Jorge posted the video to that song on his blog, and I basically saw the title of the song was F*ck You, and since that was decidedly NSFW, I passed on checking it out. Then a month or so later, I heard the cleaned up version on the radio.

Here's the video with the cleaned up version of the song. Of course, you can still tell what he's saying. Much like when you're watching Sunday Night Football and the coach gets angry at his team. Oh, you might not actually hear what he's yelling at the team...but it's quite obvious what he's saying. Anyway, here's the song:

And here is the beyond awesome clip of William Shatner singing it on Lopez Tonight. Is there anything cooler than William Shatner? I think not.

And for all you GOOP fans out there, you will be pleased to know Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow will be performing this song on Glee. I wonder what pathetic excuse for a storyline they'll come up with to tie that song into the show. Just have to wait and see!

Dancing Hands

2010-10-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is all kinds of awesome, and makes me happy:

Glee does the Time Warp

2010-10-20T16:06:00.000-07:00

I am going to withold judgment until I can see the full episode. However, I do have some observations:

1) Kurt has obviously seen the movie a few times. I love you, Kurt.

2) Um...Mercedes is Frank? That's not right at all. PUCK was supposed to be Frank.

3) Why are there two Magentas and two Columbias?

4) Why are Magenta's hips so weird? What's wrong with a standard issue maid's uniform?

5) Why do they let Quinn sing?

The show airs next Tuesday. I'm shivering with antici....pation.

Reeses Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake

2010-10-18T15:48:00.001-07:00

So, my good friend peewee wrote on her blog yesterday about a particularly fantastic day she had that involved joyful things like sleeping in, shopping, cupcakes, and enjoying a wood fire in her fireplace. But one particular thing in her post caught my eye: her trip to Cheesecake Factory where she had the Reeses Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake.

Here's the description from their site:
Chunks of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in our Original Cheesecake with Layers of Delicious Fudge Cake and Caramel. 25¢ from the sale of each slice will be donated to help feed hungry Americans in our communities.

Oooh! It's an $8 slice of cheesecake and a WHOLE 25¢ goes to feed the hungry! If that's not delicious irony (pun intended), I don't know what is.

Anyway, I decided that I needed to try this cheesecake immediately. So, after having a very sensible salad for lunch, I dove in. Let me say this: that photo doesn't do this thing justice. I love that it's chocolate cake and cheesecake together. It's not as thick and heavy as plain cheesecake, and it's not as rich as pure chocolate cake. This cake has a little of everything: cheesecake, chocolate cake, chocolate chips, peanut butter cups, caramel, peanuts, fudge, whipped cream. My goodness, it's like everything sinful and delicious all in one place. It's genius, really.

Not genius for someone who's trying to lose weight, of course. *cough*

Song du jour

2010-10-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am currently obsessed with this song: Animal by Neon Trees. I hadn't seen the video before this morning. The video is not impressive, and I think I might hate the lead singer just because of his stupid hair. However, girl drummers are awesome. And the song WILL NOT STAY OUT OF MY HEAD.

That's....Quite a Story

2010-10-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

The other night my husband was out with his friends, so I was flying solo with the children. Normally, he puts the kids to bed at night and often spends some time talking to them and telling them stories before lights out. So, as I was tucking the kids into bed, I asked them what kind of stories Daddy usually tells them. My son answers, "Oh, just stories about his life. They're kind of neat. Hey, Mom....have YOU ever had a colonoscopy?"

Sometimes it's Better Not to Know

2010-10-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair? All about the meat packing industry and how gross it is? Or seen a movie like Food, Inc. that shows the frightening side of commercial food production? For whatever reason, I am drawn to these topics, even though I walk away feeling sickened and a little hopeless. Oh, our food is not only really bad for us in terms of nutrition, but it's also tainted! It's just cleverly disguised horror! Take, for example, the above photo. It calls to mind ice cream or bubble gum, doesn't it?

Nope. It's mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made from. Stuff like chicken nuggets and patties. Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve. Everything: bones, eyes, guts, and all. It comes out looking like pink putty. But it's pink putty that's crawling with bacteria! So, to kill the bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia. Soaked in it, really. This would of course make it taste nasty, so it's then artificially re-flavored. And it will be dyed with artificial color, since no one wants pink chicken.

Oh, the horror.

Oh, Mom!

2010-09-26T15:55:00.001-07:00

So, we were at my son's soccer game on Saturday, and I had this exchange with my mom:

Mom: Sorry I'm late. How's he doing so far?
Me: Well, he started out as a defender, but then they put him in as goalie. He's having a great game so far.
Mom: What's the score?
Me: Two to Two.
Mom: Us or them?
Me: Did you honestly just ask me that?

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

2010-09-23T10:25:00.001-07:00

My father-in-law and his wife are in town visiting right now. They live in another state and we don't see them all that often. They're good people, and I love them very much. But I see them very rarely, and we come from very different backgrounds, so sometimes I don't think we see eye-to-eye on things. (Which is a nice way of saying that I think they're a little weird).

They're not weird in a bad way. They just have some...interesting ideas about things. And they're a little out of touch with kids. So, here's what happened last night. My older son and I get back from Cub Scouts, and my in-laws are there. My Father in Law says to my son, "You know, I have something for you." My son looked excited, and I could see the wheels turning - the kid was thinking, "What could it be? A toy? A book? A new Rubik's cube?" My in-laws don't typically give the kids gifts. They don't recognize birthdays, and for Christmas they usually just send us a gift certificate to a restaurant for our family. So this seemed like a special treat. My father-in-law motions for my son to come closer. My son grins in anticipation.

My father-in-law presented him with a photo of a wild turkey:

Apparently, this wild turkey had made a habit of wandering into my in-laws' yard, so they took a series of photos. Which they had then printed out on their ink jet printer (on regular printer paper). They had three different shots: one for each of our three kids. And the kids got to CHOOSE which turkey photo they'd get! Oooooh!

I have to say, I admired the way my son handled it. He looked a little confused, but then quietly chose a photo, thanked his grandparents and said he was going to his room to read.

Wild turkey photos, y'all.

Glee's Season Premiere

2010-09-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm going to cut right to it: I did not like last night's Glee premiere.

There were moments I enjoyed. For example, at the beginning, JewFro confronts Mr. Schue about how no one likes his rapping. That was awesome. I enjoyed Finn's Cheerios audition. I likewise enjoyed Becky's reaction to said audition: "Is this really happening?" Quite enjoyed seeing Mike's abs. Of course, I loved Brittany: "People thought I went on vacation, but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers." And Sue Sylvester is always a treat.

This episode also introduced us to a new character: Coach Shannon Beiste, who took over for Ken Tenaka after his nervous breakdown. Coach Beiste was an interesting addition. Let's meet the actress who plays Coach Beiste, shall we? Her name is Dot Jones. She's 6 foot 3 inches, and a former arm wrestling champion. Her filmography credits include characters such as Muscle Woman, Prison Guard, Lesbian Baseball Player, Butch Brenda, and Bull Dyke. Here's her photo:

I liked the addition of Coach Beiste. Sue and Schue team up to destroy Beiste because they're angry their respective budgets were cut in favor of more money going to the football team. They're really nasty to her, and even though she's a big burly woman, she still ends up crying over it. I have to say that the parallels between the mistreatment of Beiste and that of the Glee Club members were a little forced and contrived but...whatever.

That being said, I thought Sue and Schue's hazing of Coach Beiste to be cruel and over the top. I know that's pretty much Sue's MO, but...really? You're going to make Poo Cookies for the new teacher? Disgusting. Both literally and figuratively.

I didn't really care for the music choices, though I have fond memories of singing "What I Did for Love" at my 6th Grade graduation. I liked Charice (Sunshine). Man, that girl can really sing. I liked seeing Quinn strut her stuff in her Cheerios uniform. I was not impressed with the plot point that Santana had a summer boob job. I know it's not unheard of for teens to have plastic surgery, but I don't think I can overstate how very, very wrong and tragic that is. Booo, Glee writers!

And finally, I have to say that RACHEL DRIVES ME INSANE. I hate her breathy voice. I hate how she's desperate for the spotlight to the exclusion of almost everything else. I hate her new bangs. And I hate that she's so, so very skinny this season. Seriously, someone get Lea Michele a sandwich. Stat.

It wasn't a horrible episode, but it certainly wasn't a very good one, either. I have high hopes for next week's Britney Spears episode. And I think it goes without saying that I am losing my mind with excitement over the coming Rocky Horror homage.

Time Keeps on Slippin'

2010-09-20T14:40:00.001-07:00

Yo. It's been a month since I last posted. A MONTH. And my last post wasn't really even a post. It was just a picture I saw on another site. Sad.

But, such is summertime, no? It hasn't changed a bit since we were kids. June rolls around, and the summer stretches out before you, rich with possibilities. So many plans. So many opportunities. It's like you don't even know where to begin! And there's no need to rush into anything - why, there are THREE MONTHS of summer ahead!

...and then before you know it, it's September and school is starting again. The only thing you really have to show for summer is a healthy disdain for the winner of America's Got Talent. (Come on. Michael Grimm was the dark horse in that race for sure.)

I've had ideas for different blog posts. I've seen fun things here and there that I wanted to share. For example, this Vanity Fair cover featuring La Lohan:

Notice that the tag line reads that she's LITERALLY falling apart. Oooh, literally? Did she pick up leprosy in jail or something? That would make an interesting story and photo shoot!

Anyway, I'm sorry that I haven't posted much, and that I haven't been visiting other blogs much lately, either. I'm sure that will change over the coming weeks as summer comes to a close, and we embrace the magic of Fall. It's my very favorite season. I love the cooler weather. I love preparing for the holidays. I love the time change, and gaining an extra hour of sleep. I love that pumpkin scones are back at Starbucks. I love that Glee premieres tonight. I love that Halloween is just around the corner. So much to love about this time of year!

I Heart Venn Diagrams

2010-08-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

What's Better Than Cupcakes?

2010-08-04T14:49:00.001-07:00

Star Wars cupcakes, of course. (Originally posted on Epic Win FTW!) The thing with cakes this awesome is that they're almost too pretty to eat. Almost. I mean...they're still cake, and I'm only human.

Prop 8 Back in the News

2010-08-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

A federal judge struck down Prop 8 today.

U.S. District Chief Judge Vaughn R. Walker said Proposition 8, passed by voters in November 2008, violated the federal constitutional rights of gays and lesbians to marry the partners of their choice. His ruling is expected to be appealed to the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals and then up to the U.S. Supreme Court.

"Plaintiffs challenge Proposition 8 under the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment," the judge wrote. "Each challenge is independently meritorious, as Proposition 8 both unconstitutionally burdens the exercise of the fundamental right to marry and creates an irrational classification on the basis of sexual orientation."

Vaughn added: "Plaintiffs seek to have the state recognize their committed relationships, and plaintiffs’ relationships are consistent with the core of the history, tradition and practice of marriage in the United States.“

Ultimately, the judge concluded that Proposition 8 "fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. … Because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.”

No doubt this will ultimately end up in the Supreme Court. I do not look forward to the endless rounds of appeals and debates on this subject.

Caught on Film

2010-07-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I was sifting through old photos and came across this one from back in 2004. I was taking pictures of the pumpkins in the background, when my oldest (and, at that time, only) son wandered into the shot.

This one is totally coming out on Prom Night.

In Case You Were Wondering...

2010-07-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

My mom finally took pity on me. I am now one of her 35 friends on Facebook. So far her wall reads like this:

(Mom) joined Facebook.
(Mom) added 7 friends.
(Mom) added you and 27 other friends.

I believe she has signed onto Facebook approximately 3 times total. So...I really had no room griping about her not responding to my friend request. Sorry, Mom!

Don't You Forget About Me

2010-07-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

I've been away from the blogging world for a while because I've been really crazy busy at work. Which, if you know me and my ~~work ethic~~ job history, is really saying something. So I thought I'd give you a quick update on some random topics.

First, my youngest son has a speech delay and we've gone to a ridiculous number of assessments and appointments trying to get him some help. The little guy just does not want to talk. He'd rather just point and say variations of "Mmmm!" My mother-in-law is a Speech Language Pathologist, so I'm not unfamiliar with the techniques used to help stimulate language development. But...it's really a lot of work. And it requires a lot of discipline FOR THE PARENTS. This experience has taught me that I really need to learn some patience. The speech folks insist that I have to wait at least 10 seconds after asking my son a question to give him time to respond. That doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels like an eternity. He points to the fridge and I know he wants a drink. So I say, "Do you want a drink?" and I have to sit there staring at him. Then he doesn't respond, so I have to ask again and sit there. Sometimes, I'd rather just give him the stupid water and be done with it. But I'm trying to be diligent. Trying to help him. And trying really hard not to blame myself for his speech delay, even though a piece of me is sure that it's due to some failure on my part.

Second, remember the kidney drama? It's pretty much resolved, though occasionally things will pop up. For example, my brother-in-law is still on immunosuppressants, and this makes both he and my sister a little paranoid about germs. So, when my niece recently got an ear infection my sister packed up and spent a couple nights sleeping over at my mom's house to protect BIL from the germs. I know they're just being cautious but...really? You're worried that a toddler's ear infection is contagious? Also, check out this photo:

That is what your arm looks like after you have gone through years of dialysis. This photo really doesn't do it justice. It's just a huge mass of bumps and scars. It's kind of horrific, really.

Thirdly, last night I found out that my very favorite teacher ever was diagnosed with a scary lung disease (Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis) a few years ago and is in rapid decline. He got on Facebook to tell his story, and last night I spent some time reading through the messages from his former students before adding one of my own, thanking him for being such an inspiration. Truly, I have never known a better teacher than Jerome Lipetzky. He taught Geography, which sounds pretty dry and boring, doesn't it? But it was the BEST CLASS EVER! I learned so much, not just about physical geography, but about the world at large. I just adored his class, and looked up to him so much. Of course, as I added my Facebook message telling him what an impact he had on my life, in the back of my mind I wished I could apologize for that time I told a racist joke in his presence. I was a high school freshman - young and stupid. I'd recently watched a comedy special with my dad where the comic had used a joke about airlines saying, "I think TWA means 'travel with Arabs.' So I fly DELTA which means 'don't even let them aboard.'" And, because I didn't really even understand what that joke meant, nor did I have the presence of mind to realize how completely offensive it was, AND because I am often a human quote machine, I repeated that line one day while hanging out in his classroom. I remember him looking so very disappointed and telling me it was not funny, and not to repeat it again. I believe that was back in 1989. He's probably long since forgotten that incident. But I will remember it to my everlasting shame for the rest of my life. Not because I disappointed a teacher I held in high regard, but because I was so ignorant to say such a thing in the first place.

My garden is slowly dying, and I'm very sad about it. Everything was so gorgeous and lush, and I was enjoying all kinds of fresh produce - including these awesome purple beans:Oh, how I love that photo!

But, certain plants that I was excited about, like my cucumbers, are not thriving. They went from this: Exciting! Those are baby pickles in the making!

To this:
So disappointing. I was really excited about making pickles this year. And when the vines first started creeping up the trellis, they were COVERED in baby cukes. I got 3 cucumbers that were about 4 or 5 inches long, and that's it. All the rest shriveled up and died. The plant is trying to hang on, but it looks so sad. I don't think there's any hope for it. Also, my tomato plants aren't giving me any tomatoes. Well, that's not true - I have cherry and pear tomatoes coming out the wazoo. Not so much with the larger varieties. What good does it do me to put in 10 tomato plants when only 3 actually produce anything? Hrmph!

Comic Con was this past weekend here in San Diego. Once again I didn't go. Why? I don't know. It's 31 flavors of awesome, and yet I haven't attended in years. There's no good reason. Every year I don't go, I end up regretting it. This year, the cast of Glee was there and it was revealed that in Season Two there will be an episode paying tribute to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. That sound you just heard was my heart exploding with joy.

Guess I've rambled long enough. Hope you are all doing well out there in cyber-land. I'll try to keep in touch.

Still Denied

2010-07-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

In case anyone out there was wondering....my mom is still not my friend on Facebook. Even though I see her pretty much every day and have even asked her about it point blank.

Maybe I need to take a hint.

Mean Girls: Disney Style

2010-07-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Melissa posted this on her blog. It was fun, and in light of La Lohan being sent to jail, I thought I'd post it, too. Oh, Lindsay! I remember when you were young and adorable and full of promise. I hope you're able to pull it together in rehab, sweetie.

Here's Mean Girls: Disney Style.

Eclipse Doesn't Deliver

2010-07-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

I make no apologies for my love of Twilight. Mostly because what I love about Twilight is that it's so criminally cheesy and awful. Mocking Twilight is a joy, pure and simple. So I've gone to the movies on opening night. I love seeing those commercials for Burger King where they have Team Jacob and Team Edward battling it out. Cheesy good fun, I say.

And because I love the Twilight movies for being cheesy and bad, I was kind of disappointed when Eclipse was...not horrible. Oh, I'm not saying it was a good movie. The dialogue was still cringeworthy. The subject matter is still corny. Kristen Stewart is still...Kristen Stewart. But all in all? They did a better job with this movie than the first two. That's really not saying much. It was mediocre at best. But still a vast improvement. And...that just ruins the fun. I want the Twilight movies to be campy and laughable.

So: boooo, Eclipse! You were bad, but not bad enough!

Edited to add: while watching the movie, during Edward and Bella's non-sex scene, when Edward denies Bella's advances, Kris whispered "CHAGRIN!!" and I almost died laughing.

Mom Joins Facebook

2010-06-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Since my office computer server blocks all social networking sites, I don't get a chance to check Facebook as often as I probably would like. The bright side, I suppose, is that it's prevented me from losing countless hours playing Farmville. Anyway, last night I signed on to catch up with what people are doing and noticed that one of my suggested friends-to-add in my sidebar was my mother. She's already friends with several of my friends. (Kris, don't you feel special?) However, she is not friends with me or either of my sisters. Nor any other family members for that matter.

What's up with that, Mom?

Of course, maybe I should count my blessings. Have you ever looked at the site called Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook?

Cringeworthy: the EXACT truth

2010-06-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

Ah, those boy crazy days when I was 15. Jerrod was this guy that I obsessed over for a long time. I practically stalked him. He tried to tell me he wasn't interested, but you know how it is when you're 15 and stupid - you can't take a hint, and every. single. thing. a guy says to you is a hint that he IS, in fact, interested. Oh, 15 year old Nikol! So much to learn.

Jude was my friend's brother. I barely knew him. I don't know why I even wrote that he was "in the picture" at all. I don't think he actually knew my name until we were in our 20's. He was definitely NOT a potential date. I remember there's an entry I wrote where I talk about how I didn't really know him - I just liked his name. No doubt I had a whole slew of "Hey Jude" jokes ready and waiting. That's how 15 year old me operated.

Over the Hill

2010-06-16T11:15:00.001-07:00

A few months ago, I received a packet in the mail about Medicare. The cover letter began, "Dear Nikol, You're just a few months away from turning 65." This was in April. My birthday had been in February, and this year I turned thirtysomething. When I got that Medicare letter, I thought it was funny and it had actually crossed my mind to scan it and post it here on the ol' blog. But instead I threw it into the recycling bin and forgot about it. Except, that letter wasn't an isolated incident. I've received LOTS of information in the mail lately about Medicare and retirement benefits and reverse mortgages. But the icing on the cake was the message I had on my home machine yesterday. Our outgoing message was recorded by my son when he was about 5 years old. Yes, I'm one of those people who has their kid record the answering machine message. Sue me. Anyway, the caller started his message by commenting on how cute the outgoing message was, asked if it was my grandchild, and then proceeded to identify himself as a Medicare something something specialist, and since he knew I was turning 65 very soon, he wanted to talk to me about my options.

Where are these people getting the idea that I'm about to turn 65?

Could it be:
- because I complained that they swore too much on the MTV movie awards?
- because I enjoy playing canasta?
- because I tend to repeat myself?
- because I tend to repeat myself?
- because I really do want the darn kids off my lawn?
- because I sometimes complain about my hip hurting?
- because I've been known to buy Activia yogurt?
- because I can't drink anything with caffeine past 2pm or else I can't sleep that night?
- because I use phrases like "toodle-loo?"
- because my idea of happy hour is a nap?

Cringeworthy: Sweet Sixteen

2010-06-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

Let me take you on a journey back to the year 1991. I was the at the tender age of sixteen, and of course my diary was filled with entries about boys. Who I liked and who liked me, whether I should date so-and-so, who was dating whom, etc. I had been dating this guy named Paul who I'd met when he was serving a mission for our church here in San Diego. After his mission, he went home to Florida and promptly moved back. I think he was here for a week before we were pawing at each other. Good times! Anyway, he was in his early 20's and I was 16. After a couple months of making out, he decided that he was too old for me (probably true at that age), and that we needed to just be friends. Here is the diary entry from after our break up. You can tell I was broken hearted:

Apparently, I also wrote his entry with a purple highlighter. I love how we were going to be "friends, buds, compadres." And we'd still ~~make out on the sly~~ go out on weekends occasionally, even though we would not be dating.

Have you missed my diary entries? I need to post more of them, don't I? They're jolly good fun. I think I might need to blind some of them, though, since I still hang out with a lot of these people. But I don't want to deprive you of the joy they bring. I'll try to post one a week.

Also? Morrissey FOREVER!!!

The Golden State

2010-06-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

I love California. That sentence pretty much sums up this entire blog post, so if you don't want to hear me gush about my home state, then I guess you can stop reading right here. Look at the time I'm saving you! That's why I'm a true friend.

Last Sunday, I was in my room folding laundry as is my unfortunate Sunday evening tradition. There was nothing good on TV, and my husband/children were hogging our main TV (the one with the DVR) so they could play Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii. So, I decided to see if VH1 had some of its customary trash reality TV programming to offer. What I found was the MTV Movie awards. And I left it on, mostly because I was too lazy to bother finding something better.

As a side note, let me say this: for all you fellow thirtysomethings out there, if you want to feel out of touch with America's youth and get in touch with that "you lousy kids, get off my lawn" mentality, I suggest watching some MTV. Because I found myself cringing at the amount of swearing. Hello? Am I really so delicate that I can't handle swearing? Apparently! But seriously, I have seen Friar's Club Roasts that required less bleeping. The phrase, "in my day this would not be allowed on TV" went though my mind a couple times. They can apparently say shit on TV without bleeping nowadays. And America's youth is just in love with the F Bomb. And just when I was feeling like a hopeless old fart, the three main stars of Twilight took the stage. Then I stopped feeling ancient, and started exercising an astonishing measure of self control by not throwing things at Kristen Stewart. I really loathe her. There, I said it. Okay, where was I? Oh yes: my love of California.

So, during the MTV Movie Awards, Katy Perry performed her song California Gurls. It's a ridiculously catchy song that has been stuck in my head all week. It's almost worse than that time I had Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me in my head for a week. California Gurls (that spelling makes me cringe every time) is one of those perfect poppy summer songs. And it talks about how girls from California are awesome. Who can argue with that? Anyway, that song is what led me to this post about my love of The Golden State.

I feel about California the way I think I'm supposed to feel about the United States. You know how there are people who just really 100% believe that the US is the greatest nation on the face of the earth? That no other country could possibly compare with American greatness? I feel that same reverence for California. In my mind, it really is the greatest state in the Union. We have everything. We are awesome. It's pretty much all summed up in the words of our State song. (Did you know that States had songs?)

I Love You California
Written by F. B. Silverwood
Composed by A. F. Frankenstein

I love you, California, you're the greatest state of all
I love you in the winter, summer, spring, and in the fall.
I love your fertile valleys; your dear mountains I adore,
I love your grand old ocean and I love her rugged shore.

I love your redwood forests - love your fields of yellow grain,
I love your summer breezes, and I love your winter rain,
I love you, land of flowers; land of honey, fruit and wine,
I love you, California; you have won this heart of mine.

I love your old gray Missions - love your vineyards stretching far,
I love you, California, with your Golden Gate ajar,
I love your purple sunsets, love your skies of azure blue,
I love you, California; I just can't help loving you.

I love you, Catalina - you are very dear to me,
I love you, Tamalpais, and I love Yosemite,
I love you, Land of Sunshine, half your beauties are untold,
I loved you in my childhood, and I'll love you when I'm old.

When the snow crowned Golden Sierras
Keep their watch o'er the valleys bloom.
It is there I would be in our land by the sea,
Ev'ry breeze bearing rich perfume,
It is here nature gives of her rarest,
It is Home Sweet Home to me.
And I know when I die I shall breathe my last sigh
For my sunny California.

So, to sum up: California rules. The end.

Gleeful

2010-05-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

Last Friday! Glee Concert! IT. WAS. AWESOME! I'm sure you all read about it over on Kris' blog. I'm a few days late posting about it. Oh well. Everyone loves a good rerun, right?

First, let me say that this photo of me is not the most attractive one I've ever taken. This is because it was taken at approximately 11:30pm. And I was up really late the night before because ~~I was so excited about the concert...like a 12 year old~~ I have insomnia. Anyway, the concert was fantastic. Along with Kris, I was accompanied by my two favorite coworkers, Maegan and Leslie, and fellow blogger Kristin. The concert was at the Gibson Amphitheater, which used to be called the Universal Amphitheater - since it's at Universal Studios. I remember one time my family went to Universal Studios, and it was the same day as the MTV Video Music Awards was being held there. That was the year REM's Losing My Religion was the big winner. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Where was I? Oh yes, Glee. The show was fantastic! They did pretty much all my favorite songs, including Push It. And we got to see them perform a song by Lady Gaga, which at that point hadn't aired yet. Kurt's outfit for the Gaga number was to die for. Kurt and Brittany made the show for me. They are pure awesomesauce. Occasionally, Brittany would wander out and talk to the audience. Like the time she muttered that this concert was confusing and that everything smelled like an airport. I seriously love her.

They had Mercedes sing Beautiful, and at the end of the song she got choked up and emotional. Awww!

And, because I am a fan of schadenfreude, I loved the part where the guy who plays Jesse came out to sing Hello with Rachel and hit a bunch of sour notes & messed up the words in one verse. Delicious! I actually don't think that poor guy was intended to be part of the concert. He didn't look showbiz ready, you know? Like his hair looked a little doofy, and he was wearing regular ol' clothes. I bet he just came by the show to say hi to his friends, and then Lea Michele just decided to pull him onto stage and force him to perform. She kind of gushed about him being her best friend before she introduced him, which made me want to gag.

Anyway, the concert was great - everything I hoped it would be. And it was super fun unleashing my inner 13 year old! Hooray for Glee!

Kidney Drama, Part 6

2010-05-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

So, it's two days post-surgery now. BIL is doing fine. You know how they gauge how well a kidney is doing? I'm sure you can guess. And let me just say I have heard the phrase "urine output" more times in the last 48 hours than I think the average person hears in three lifetimes. I've also enjoyed how my mom seems to forget that not everyone in the family has medical training, so she'll tell us things like, "His creatinine level is down to two!" Um...is that a good thing? Or a bad thing? And what is creatinine anyway?

The surgery was a success, though, and BIL is already showing drastic improvements in his health. He'll be in the hospital until Monday. As I mentioned, the night of his surgery day, my sister wanted to spend the night with him in the hospital so I offered to keep their daughter overnight for them. That meant I would be wrangling four children, two of which are under the age of two. But I thought I could handle it. Turns out, not so much.

Earlier that day, my youngest son was playing in a bouncy castle and somehow hurt his ankle. He was in a lot of pain. Poor little guy. He couldn't really put weight on his right foot. He'd try to stand up, only to cry out and crumple to the floor. He elected to crawl everywhere. And, since he was hurting, all he wanted was for me to hold him. So he was very clingy. Then I had my niece with us. She's 9 months old, and she's in that "human vacuum" stage where every. little. thing. goes into her mouth. I never realized how much crap I have on my floor. That little piece of Lego that we looked for and couldn't find? She found it. That tiny piece of plastic wrap? She found it. A dried piece of macaroni? She found it. Dust bunny behind the leg of the couch? She found it. I got tired of following her around, so I put her in the high chair to keep her in one place. But she didn't want to sit in one place, so she'd cry if I put her down. That would make my son also cry. So most of the time I was walking around holding BOTH of them. (Which sometimes made ME want to cry.)

All the while I was waiting and hoping my husband would get home to lend a hand. But, to make a long story short, he didn't leave work until 8pm. And his phone had died, so I couldn't reach him. I had no idea where he was or when to expect him. It was a one-woman show that night. I think my favorite part was when I had to take my oldest son to Cub Scouts. It's at our church, which is only a few blocks from our house. But I had to load all four kids into the car to drive him over there. The two youngest kids were screaming the whole way, because they were hungry and tired and wanted to punish me as much as possible.

So, yes, it was an adventure. But I survived it! And so far there's no new family drama to report. But fear not, gentle readers. My family knows how to bring the drama. It's only a matter of time...

Dear Benjamin Linus

2010-05-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Ben,

You know, last year I wrote a post about how you are my favorite character on television. I've watched a lot of TV over the years, so to say you're my favorite is significant. I have loved how you had the ability to make me hate you one minute, and feel sorry for you the next. I'd want to punch you in the face, and then turn around and hug you and bake you some cookies the next. That complexity is what makes you such an amazing character. And while I love that you keep me guessing, I have to say that you broke my heart in last night's episode of Lost. Ben, I know you've done some really, really bad things. But deep down, I want to believe that you're a good guy. I want to believe that your heart was in the right place. But last night, you made me think that maybe after all this time you truly are a villain. Why are you doing this to me, Ben? Even now, I'm trying to make excuses for you - like maybe the fact Miles got a little flash about Alex, and Richard mentioned how he buried her body; maybe that reminded you that you wanted revenge against Widmore and led you to do very bad things. But...dude, don't side with that nasty Smoke thing. You're better than that. Or, at least, I WANT you to be better than that. Oh, Ben! You're so awesome on so many levels. Don't fail me now.

Also, in that dinner scene in Sideways Land, at one point I got the feeling you might kiss Rousseau and it might have made me throw up a little. Just...no.

There's only the finale left, Ben. I'm counting on you.

Love,
Nikol

Kidney Drama, Part 5

2010-05-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is the big day! Earlier today, fellow blogger and dear friend Kris remarked that she was surprised something new hadn't come up. I was, too. Then I logged onto Facebook and saw this message from my sister (it was posted Sunday afternoon):

Let me start by saying [Nikol's brother-in-law] IS DOING FINE. He's in the hospital, he thought he might have Encephalitis again. So I took him to the ER last night. Again he's fine. He doesn't have it, but his blood pressure is up again. So they are keeping him overnight to run some tests just to make sure everything is okay-that way he's clear for Wednesday (yes they know about his transplant). So if you have any questions, message me here.

Oh, I have questions alright. Lots and lots of questions. Starting with, "what's wrong with you two?"

But, supposedly everything is good to go. I offered to keep their daughter overnight tonight since they probably have to be at the hospital at some ungodly hour. They declined. Instead, they're going to take her to my mom's house tomorrow morning at 4:00 AM. They don't see this as a big deal, since my mom teaches seminary and has to be up at 4:30 AM normally anyway. I think they just like to maximize the inconvenience for everyone. Anyway, I'll be keeping my niece tomorrow night. It'll be a good test run to see if I can handle four kids. You know, because since I look pregnant anyway, it's as good a time as any to add to our family.

Incidentally, I wore the Pregnancy Fake Out dress again on Sunday. Chris came up and asked me if I hated her, and seemed truly remorseful. At least she has a conscience!

To take another completely random segue, Bret Michaels is one of the two finalists on Celebrity Apprentice. The other person is humorless Holly Robinson Peete. There is no joy in that woman. Team Bandanna Monkey FTW!

Kidney Drama, Part 4

2010-05-13T21:18:00.001-07:00

First, let me say that since posting about the whole insurance thing with my BIL's transplant, I've heard many a horror story about hospitals being jerks over insurance/finances. My experience at hospitals as a patient has quite fortunately been limited, and I've also quite fortunately always had medical coverage. So I've never had any issues with healthcare from the financial standpoint. I also work for the emergency room, and our hospital is where all the homeless people are sent when they're found passed out on the street with a giant gash in their head or whatever. And, since we're the emergency room, we don't mess with insurance and stuff before caring for the patients. We just fix them and worry about the money later. Not that they don't care if they get paid - of course they do. But the main thing is just to make sure the patient is cared for, regardless of whether they have coverage or not. In this respect, the emergency department is unique. I didn't realize that was the case. So, please forgive my woeful ignorance on the subject.

On to the latest update. All the insurance stuff has miraculously been straightened out. BIL signed his forms for Medicare. Though a series of phone calls and faxes, everything was handled yesterday. Things are settled. Transplant will proceed as scheduled next week.

Amazing how fast that all worked out, isn't it?

I wonder what new drama will come up between now and Wednesday (his surgery date). You know there's going to be something.

The Question You NEVER Ask

2010-05-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

See this dress? I purchased it recently. I was really excited to find it because finding a decent dress that has sleeves that fits my luscious frame is a rare occurrence. And this dress was less than $20, too. That's just a crazy ridiculous great deal. So I wore it to church on Mother's Day. And I was feeling pretty good about myself that day. I liked how the dress fit, I liked that it was something other than my usual Sunday rotation of outfits. Okay, so I worried that the empire waist might slightly accentuate ~~my fat rolls~~ some curves that don't need accentuating, but it wasn't too bad.

At least I didn't think so, until I was asked THE QUESTION YOU NEVER ASK. You know which question to which I refer. It's this one: "Oh, are you pregnant?"

Dude, you don't ask that question unless you already know the answer is yes, and that the person you're asking is happy that the answer is yes. These are the rules.

But you know, my sense of humor is such that when someone thoroughly sticks their foot in their mouth, I'm more inclined to think it's really funny than to have my ego bruised. So, even though I was asked THE QUESTION YOU NEVER ASK, I wasn't really upset by it. More I was just inwardly laughing at how embarrassed she was when she realized her mistake, and how feebly she tried to smooth it over. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hey, Chris. It's good to see you! Happy Mother's Day!

Chris: Happy Mother's Day to you! Are you having another baby?!?

Me: Nope! I'm just fat! *pats stomach*

Chris: Uh...are you kidding?

Me: About being fat? Nope!

Chris: You're not having another baby? Oh, I'm so sorry. I normally wouldn't ever ask that. But I...

Me: Oh, whatever. No worries.

Chris: Well, maybe this is a sign that you SHOULD have another baby. Your kids are so cute!

Me: Maybe I will! I don't know that I'm going to be wearing this dress again, though.

Aaaaand: scene!

I think my favorite part was her lame attempt at backtracking. "Hey, since you're already fat, you might as well get another kid out of it!" Thanks, Chris. You're a sweetie. Now pass the Haagen Dazs.

The Plot Thickens (Kidney Drama, Part 3)

2010-05-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

You know, I typically don't really talk that much about my family on this blog. And the times when I have, like when I talked about Crazy Sister and her divorce, I felt kind of guilty about it. I also felt like it sounded so soap operatic that people probably thought I made it up. Now the same thing is happening with this stupid kidney transplant story.

Last night, my sister called my mom in tears. Now, apparently, there's some problem with her insurance. They won't cover BIL's transplant, because he was eligible for Medicare. He just had to fill out the paperwork to get 100% covered by Medicare. But "someone" dropped the ball, and he never got his Medicare coverage. Now my sister's insurance refuses to pay anything, and since he didn't fill out the paperwork, he doesn't have Medicare coverage either. So the hospital won't do the transplant until the financial aspects are handled. Both my sister and BIL are claiming they did everything right and it's someone else's fault (naturally). But the bottom line is that if they have to wait for Medicare to come through, it will be three or four months before they can get the transplant. That's according to my mother, who did these transplants for a living, so I assume she knows what she's talking about.

It all still sounds very fishy to me. I was surprised to hear that the hospital would delay the transplant because of insurance. I was under the impression that a hospital doesn't really care if you have insurance or not - they're just in the business of helping people who are sick. The financial aspects are something that the patient worries about, but I didn't think the hospital particularly cared. And why would they set up the transplant date and pre-op appointments and everything and then wait a week or more before looking into the financial stuff? Wouldn't that be part of the initial workup?

I just don't know what to think about all of this. And I'm still ticked that they lied to me.

Just Kidding? (Kidney Drama, Part 2)

2010-05-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I posted about my brother-in-law getting a kidney donated from a stranger. Today it came out that my BIL and sister lied about the Good Samaritan donor thing. It's his older sister donating. Supposedly, they wanted to keep it a secret because his sister didn't want her husband to know about the surgery.

That's some messed up family politics right there.

On the bright side, now I have more legitimate reasons to be irritated. There's always a silver lining.

Sometimes I Get Irritated for Silly Reasons (Kidney Drama, Part 1)

2010-05-07T12:16:00.001-07:00

The big news for my family this week is that my brother-in-law (the one married to Middle Sister) is finally getting his kidney transplant on May 19th! That's less than two weeks away! A refresher for those who are newer to the blog, or missed earlier posts when I mentioned him: this will be his second transplant. The first one he had several years ago, and it failed. There's speculation in our family that it failed because BIL didn't take care of himself or follow the "rules" for transplant patients. But to hear him tell it, the doctor managed his case poorly and that's why his body rejected the new kidney. No way for me to really know the truth. But I guess ultimately it doesn't matter. He's had declining health the last few years, and had a few very scary, very serious health crises over the past few months. Like the time when his blood pressure was 220/198! Holy crow! Or the fact that he lost his vision in one eye due to his crazy high blood pressure. Or the time they found fluid around his heart. Or the fluid collecting at the base of his brain. It's been just one thing after another. Scary!

Originally, we thought that BIL was going to get a kidney from either his older brother or older sister. They were doing their medical workups and whatnot, but time kept ticking by. Like, months and months of time. BIL was really getting sick, and no one in our family could really understand why it was taking so long. I mean, your brother is dying from kidney failure. Wouldn't you step up the process to give him a kidney, if that was your plan? But, like I said, it's been months and months. Like since last summer. I still don't understand what was taking so long. And neither does my mom, who happened to be a kidney transplant coordinator for 30+ years until she retired a few years ago. So she knows all the details of how a transplant works. But even though she knew all the right questions to ask, it seemed like no one had the answers. The fact this transplant is happening at all is a miracle as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, it turns out that it won't be a family member donating to him at all. It will be a living, non-related kidney donation. It's a Good Samaritan donor. In other words, some kind soul came in and said "Hey, I have a kidney to spare. Do you know someone who needs it?" the hospital runs all the necessary tissue typing and blood work, and then they find a match. That match was my brother-in-law. It will completely save his life. And it's not like this donor knows about BIL, specifically. The "Good Sam donors" (as my mom calls them) never meet or learn about who they're donating to until after the transplant, and then only if both they and the recipient consent. There's someone out there altruistic enough to just give up a body part to help a stranger in need. That is some serious charity right there. Kind of gives you hope in humankind, doesn't it?

Of course, then there's me, getting irritated. (This is where this post's title comes in). I'm in awe that someone from off the street came in and is going to save the day with the Gift of Life. Whoever that is has the gratitude of our whole family. So I'm not in any way saying a negative thing about that. What I'm irritated about is that if BIL could have received a kidney from someone not related to him - if that was an option all along - then why didn't someone say something? I can't speak for everyone in my family, but I feel fairly confident when I say that I think ALL of us would have been willing to donate to him. We'd all be willing to at least go through the initial battery of tests to see if we were a compatible match for him. And I know that both Crazy Sister and I expressed our willingness to donate on a number of occasions. So BIL knew. Why do they all jump at the chance to take a stranger's kidney? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY KIDNEY?

I know it's silly to be irritated about this. I mean, who knows if I would have even been an appropriate candidate. Maybe I have the wrong blood type or cross match or whatever technical medical term is used to denote genetic compatibility. But I feel like we weren't even given a chance. We all wanted to help, were willing to help, and I feel like we were ignored. Irritating!

But, whatever. He's getting the transplant he needs, and hopefully it will be the start of a new life for him. Middle Sister is so excited she can barely contain herself! Seeing her so happy is my favorite part.

Schadenfreude

2010-05-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

Schadenfreude is a feeling of enjoyment at the troubles of others. According to Webster's dictionary, Schadenfreude is pronounced SHAH-den-FROY-duh. I usually pronounce the first two syllables as "Shayden." But, whatever. Point is: it's enjoying someone else's misfortunes. I know it's not a very Christlike thing. I know it sounds kind of cruel and evil. But if you think about it, Schadenfreude is exactly what fuels stuff like celebrity gossip and reality television. So, it's like 3/4 of my day.

Remember back in August when one of the doctors I work with mistakenly sent me an email meant for his mistress? If you thought that story was funny (and really, who didn't? Other than the doctor in question) that was a classic example of Schadenfreude.

Yesterday I experienced some new workplace Schadenfreude. I help run a research program at the hospital where I work. One of the nurses who works in the program with us is a lady named Jean who I think is an awesome person on a personal level. I think she's fun and leads a really interesting life. (She has a glass blowing studio in her garage! That's her hobby: glass blowing. How cool is that?) But working with her is more of a challenge. For a long time she worked with us as a per diem employee because she'd come out of retirement to make some extra money to support her very expensive glass working hobby. But a couple months ago her husband lost his job and she suddenly needed a job with stable hours and benefits. So we went through the process to make her job more official. Which, working at a University hospital, is not an easy or quick process. Lots of rules and regulations and red tape. But we finally got the position posted, went through all the obligatory interviews and whatnot, and got her hired. This was about six weeks ago that everything was finalized. Remember the doctor who sent me the mushy email in error? He's the head of research for our department. So he's Jean's boss. Jean likes him about as much as I do. And I think he likes Jean even less than he likes me. So, it's good times in the Research Program!

One of our department's subdivisions recently posted a job to recruit a new nurse. This subdivision does very specific research. So, it's part of our department, and it's research, but they're in a different building and work basically independent of the rest of us. But...it's our same department. And it's research. So Dr. Mushy Email is in charge.

Apparently, Jean didn't realize this because she applied for the nurse position with the subdivision. Even though we just jumped through a bunch of hoops to have her hired as part of our main department. And on her application for the subdivision job, she wrote that she'd prefer they not contact her current supervisor because they're not aware she's looking for a new position. Of course, her current supervisor is Dr. Mushy Email. And he's the one doing the interviews for the subdivision job, too.

Isn't that the most horrible thing ever? Wouldn't you just die? She basically tried to apply for a new job on the sly, but it's the same boss! I don't know how on earth she didn't realize what she was doing. I mean, the job posting had to list the department. And she knows Dr. Mushy Email is over all the department research. And now he knows she's looking for another job, even though she's only been in her current one for six weeks.

Jean's currently on a two week vacation in Maui. I almost want to email her and warn her of what's waiting when she gets back. Almost.

Schadenfreudelicious!

Say a Little Prayer

2010-04-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday night, a certain celebrity (perhaps I should say "celebrity") was rushed to the hospital after a brain hemorrhage. He's been in critical condition since then. He's awake now, talking with family. So he's improved, but still in bad shape. As you can imagine, this has been a tense time for his fans as well as for those who have simply a morbid fascination with him they're embarrassed to admit *cough*. Anyway, I'm saying a little prayer for you, Bandanna Monkey. The world is would be a little less fun and crazy without you in it. Maybe just the world of smutty reality TV, but still. Speaking of his smutty reality TV - are you watching Celebrity Apprentice? This past Sunday's episode featured Bret using the phrase "pump up the wiener." If that doesn't entice you to watch, I don't know what will.

Four Chord Songs

2010-04-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

This clip is making the rounds today. It's a group from Australia called Axis of Awesome. They explain how all pop songs have the same four chord progression, and illustrate with a killer montage. I'm warning those with delicate sensibilities that they use the F word a few times. But it's with that endearing Aussie accent, so I hope you'll find it forgivable. It also features Jack Black's Australian doppelganger. Always a treat.

Carnival of Awesome

2010-04-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

So, my bloggy friend Kristina started this little blog carnival where folks share their Glamour Shots pictures.

I figured, I've posted old diary entries on this blog for pete's sake. How much more embarrassing could it be to post a corny photo from my teen years? So I hunted around in the garage for my old high school photo album. And let me just say you are in for a real treat!

I think this photo is extra funny if you knew me when I was in high school because this is pretty much the antithesis of early 90's Nikol. Of course, that just makes it even better, doesn't it? I remember when I took this photo. My mom took me to the mall to have these pictures taken for a little mother-daughter bonding time. After the pictures were done she wanted to shop at the mall for a while. Still with our hair and makeup done like in the pictures. I tried to calm my hair, but I think the makeup was approximately the same thickness used by the entire Broadway cast of Cats put together. I truly do not think I have ever worn as much makeup before or since. But Mom wanted to shop and since I was only about 14 and couldn't drive, I was at her mercy. So I went over to the music store to browse through Cure albums or whatever. And of course I ran into people I knew from school.

I won't keep you in suspense any longer:

You can commence mockery! All that lavender! Those earrings! That lipstick! The hair! There's just so much to love about this picture, isn't there?

Pay it forward, people. If you have some late 80's/early 90's "glamour" to share, do it now! If not for me, just think of the children.

Why I Hate the Doughnut Lady

2010-04-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

Ah, doughnuts. You have to love something that can deliver all that sugar and fat into such a compact, tasty little package. And I do love doughnuts. But, not all doughnuts. I'm very particular about the kind of doughnuts I love. (Note that I didn't say I'm very particular about the kind I'll eat.) When I go to a doughnut shop, I want a chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate icing, topped with peanuts. Devil's food with nuts. That is my doughnut of choice. When the first Krispy Kreme opened here in San Diego people were all flipping out about how fantastic their doughnuts were. I went there, I tried them. They were good, especially the fresh warm ones. But...they weren't devil's food with nuts. As I said: those are my doughnuts of choice.

Now, I don't really buy doughnuts very often. Most of that could be attributed to the fact that I'm too lazy to actually drive to a doughnut shop. But then I'll go through a little period of time when I crave them, so I'll show up at the local doughnut place more often. And I always order the same thing: devil's food with nuts. If there's no devil's food with nuts, I would take devil's food with plain icing, devil's food with sprinkles, devil's food with coconut, or devil's food with powdered sugar. As you can see: the chocolate cakey part is the important thing.

My local doughnut shop owner is kind of a sour woman, and quite thin for someone in that line of work. I mean, aren't doughnut shop owners supposed to be kind of...jolly? I get the feeling this woman hates doughnuts, and pretty much hates everyone who comes through the door. But, whatever. She makes a mean doughnut. During one of my doughnut craving cycles last fall, she took notice that I would come in and get the same thing every time. It got to the point where when I came in, she'd say, "Can I help you?" and I'd start to tell her what I wanted, and she'd say, "Yeah, yeah...I know" while kind of rolling her eyes. It wasn't a joking eye roll, either. It was the same kind of eye roll I'd give my mom when I was 14. You know the one. The "OMG, you are soooooo lame" kind of eye roll. And so, I started driving across town to my not-as-local doughnut shop just to avoid Ms. Sourpuss.

This morning, my husband and I were carpooling to work. We've had to carpool to work the last few weeks because his car died and the new one we bought is part of the recent Honda recall so we have to wait for it to be fixed before we can take it home. On Fridays, my husband buys doughnuts for his office. Every week! And since he doesn't have to avoid the judgmental eye of The Doughnut Lady, he goes to the local place. Last week when we stopped to get The Office Doughnuts, I stayed in the car (laziness) and asked him to get me a couple of my doughnuts of choice. But this morning I went with him into the store. He got his two dozen office doughnuts, and then he asked for two devil's food with nut doughnuts in a separate bag. Now, it's easily been over six months since the last time I was in that place to buy doughnuts. But of course The Doughnut Lady remembered me. She nods at him with this smirk on her face, gets the doughnuts, and then starts chuckling to herself. She turns around and rings up the sale, still chuckling. Then she asks if I'm his wife. My husband says yes, and then she shakes her head - still laughing to herself.

WHAT THE HECK WAS SHE LAUGHING ABOUT??

GOOP: Children's Books

2010-04-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

In this week's edition of the GOOP newsletter, Gwynnie and her friends give us some suggestions for children's books. One of the people Gwyneth turns to is Aimée Scorza who is, according to the blurb: "a sought-after nanny and an all-around gem. Aimée Scorza is a positive, encouraging, and calming influence for all the children who have had the fortune of being cared for by her."

Here is one of Aimée's suggestions:In case you can't see it, she suggests you read a book called The Sneetches by a guy named Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Zeisel. So, this fantastically sought-after nanny first tries to show off by using Dr. Seuss' real name - and then she can't even get it right. Zeisel! That just kills me. It also kills me that Gwyneth doesn't have an editor go over these things. (There was a part of Julianne Moore's section of suggestions where they list Don’t Let the Pidgeon Drive the Bus. Seriously?)

The Sneetches, however, is a fantastic book. But you know, there are other stories in that book other than the one about the titular Sneetches. There's the one about Mrs. McCave who had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave. That one is a hoot. But I think the best is one called What Was I Scared Of?This story is about a guy who goes out walking and comes across a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them. They're just pale green pants, walking around by themselves. And every time you think you've escaped them, they keep showing up! They come rowing up in a boat while you're fishing for Doubt Trout. Or they try to run you down with their bicycle, causing you to drop all your Grin-itch Spinach. Scary! I loved spooky stories as a kid, so this one was totally one of my favorites.

In the section of GOOP where Gwyneth shares suggestions "from Apple and Moses" she also lists several Dr. Seuss titles. Maybe I'm just being overcritical (surprising, I know) but don't most people already know about Dr. Seuss? If you're trying to suggest new Children's Books, don't you want to share some titles that might not be as well known? I'm half surprised that we didn't see Goodnight Moon or The Very Hungry Caterpillar in her list. No one has heard of those, right?

Farewell to Clutter

2010-04-07T10:36:00.001-07:00

....well, some of it, anyway.

This weekend, our local Scout troop is having a rummage sale as a fundraiser. So they emailed everyone at church asking for donations. And the Scouts agreed to come to our houses to pick up the stuff. Sweet!

We moved into our house almost two years ago. Before that, we'd lived in a tiny two bedroom apartment. And I do mean tiny. I think it was approximately 600 square feet. It's amazing how much junk you can accumulate even when you don't have room to store it. We packed up so many boxes of books and knickknacks! Most of those boxes went from the apartment into our new garage. We just wanted to focus on moving in the basics to start with: clothes, towels, bedding, kitchen stuff. Just what we needed to run a household. Figured all the decorations and collections would be unpacked later. Well, it's two years later and most of that stuff has remained untouched. I used to fancy myself a book collector. I had a TON of books. Classics, poetry, reference books, biographies, obscure cookbooks, books on travel, books on photography, books on history, books written by comedians. If I was remotely interested in reading a book, I'd buy it. I liked the idea of having shelves and shelves of books. But as time wore on, I realized most of the books I had were just glorified dust collectors. Yes, Paradise Lost is an important work of literature. Do I plan to read it again for pleasure? Nope! What about Little Women? Will I read that one again? Probably not. What about that Wizard of Oz cookbook? Won't I want to make "Munchkin Muffins" one day? Even though they're just plan blueberry muffins, and I have identical recipes in several other cookbooks? Again: no. I could insert dozens of titles here. The truth is, there aren't that many books I will want to read more than once or twice. And several cookbooks I bought because they sounded fun, but ultimately proved useless. So, why have them hanging out in my house, taking up space and collecting dust? Especially when the public library is just a mile away!

We also have a ton of board games that we never play. Not that I'm parting with any of my editions of Clue. We seriously have 5 or 6 board games that are brand new in plastic wrap that we have never touched. And we have three different Scrabble boards. How many Scrabble boards does one household need?

I also have miscellaneous kitchen gadgets and appliances I never use. For example, we got a waffle iron when we got married. Over the first 5 years of our marriage I believe I made waffles a total of three times. Then I got this fancy new waffle iron that makes waffle "sticks" that you can dip into syrup. So I pretty much never use our original one anymore. Also, I have gone to many a Pampered Chef party in my day. I have a nice bag of their items that at some point I had full intention of using. Like their little circular sandwich cutter. I totally believed I'd make that blueberry cream cheese stuffed french toast at some point. Turns out? Not so much.

It's all going away tonight, friends! We worked for several hours sorting stuff in the garage last night. I'm not even kidding when I say that over half of the stuff we had stored is being donated. I know that there is probably a very large chunk of money that was spent on all this stuff. I also know that I could probably make some money if I tried to sell this stuff on eBay or Craigslist or whatever. But it's so liberating to just have someone take it off my hands! I also start to think that maybe I should ask friends and family if they're interested in any of this stuff. Let them have first pick. But if I think too much about the "what if's" of getting rid of clutter, I won't end up getting rid of it at all. Need to press forward.

Getting rid of clutter is good for the soul. And it pleases my inner couch potato because less stuff means less to clean and organize! It's totally win-win.

They Taste Even Better Than They Look

2010-04-05T10:03:00.001-07:00

I've talked about how I'm trying to eat better and get in shape this year. I know these Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars don't really fit into the equation. But, you know? Sometimes you need to live a little. These don't even require baking! These were one of the desserts I brought to Easter dinner yesterday. So delicious, I had to share the recipe!

No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars

The Cookie Part:
1 1/4 C. creamy peanut butter
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, softened
2 cups powdered sugar, divided
3 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips (or the big ones - I won't judge you)

The Chocolate Topping:
1 1/2 C. semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 C. creamy peanut butter

GREASE 13 x 9-inch baking pan.

BEAT 1 1/4 cups peanut butter and butter in large mixer bowl until creamy. Gradually beat in 1 cup powdered sugar. With hands or wooden spoon, work in remaining 1 cup powdered sugar, graham cracker crumbs and 1/2 cup morsels. Press evenly into prepared baking pan. Smooth top with spatula.

MELT remaining 3/4 cup peanut butter and remaining 1 1/2 cups morsels in medium, heavy-duty saucepan over lowest possible heat, stirring constantly, until smooth. Spread over graham cracker crust in pan. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour or until chocolate is firm. Cut into bars. Store in covered container in refrigerator.

PRAY there is some 12-step recovery program for these because they are indeed addictive.

Easter Leaves Me Shaken

2010-04-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter, everyone. What a joyous day it is. One where we can contemplate the glorious Atonement of our Savior while stuffing our face with chocolate. Two of my favorite things!

This year, Easter had an added bonus: earthquakes! We thought it was just one big one (a 6.9 on the Richter Scale) followed by some aftershocks, but apparently there were three separate ones with different epicenters. A 6.9 earthquake is pretty big, and this one lasted longer than any I've experienced before - at least that I can remember. But overall it was no big thing. We all stopped what we were doing. I had stopped what I was doing underneath my mom's rickety ceiling fan, and after standing there a few seconds and watching it sway, I decided to move somewhere else. My sister in law dove under the dining table. The rest of us just tried to move away from anything heavy that might fall on us, and waited for the shaking to stop. Thankfully, other than some picture frames that fell over, nothing much happened. Nothing broken, no damage. The kids weren't scared. The dog didn't pee on the rug. I call that a successful quake, wouldn't you?

I guess today isn't the day California falls into the sea! Now, if you'll excuse me. Some Cadbury eggs are calling my name.

Edited to add: all the papers are saying the quake was a 7.2 instead of the 6.9 I originally posted about. I got the 6.9 from the USGS site right after the quake hit. I figured, if you can't trust the US Geological Society, who can you trust? I have so much to learn.

GOOP: This time, we're on the same page!

2010-04-01T08:53:00.001-07:00

In this week's GOOP newsletter, Gwyneth talks about Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. You might have seen ads for his new show that will be starting this month on ABC. He's going into schools and trying to teach kids about healthy eating. Now, as my long-standing readers know, I love to make fun of Gwyneth's newsletters - and poke fun at Gwyneth herself. But this time around, I'm totally on her side. It's an April Fool's Day miracle!

In all seriousness, I support a program that will make people reevaluate their food: where it comes from, what's in it, and what it's doing to our bodies. And I love the effort to encourage families to sit down and eat real meals together, too. Of course, in the GOOP newsletter, one of the recipes that's listed is Spicy Moroccan Stewed Fish with Couscous. Beans, peas, fish and shrimp all cooked together with diced tomatoes and cinnamon! That sounds...um...interesting. And we got a recipe for something called "spaghetti." It's basically tomato sauce over noodles. Have you heard of this dish before? I think it could easily become a staple in kitchens across America if only we could get the word out. Tell a friend, readers!

Embracing Chaos

2010-04-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

At a baby shower I attended once, they passed around a little book wherein people were supposed to write little bits of advice for the mother-to-be. Most of the advice contained tidbits I'd seen before about taking plenty of photos, sleeping when the baby sleeps, or recommendations on local therapists. The advice I chose to include was this: learn to embrace the chaos. I believe this is an important principle with parenting, and often with life.

It's explained even better in this clip from the movie Parenthood. I saw this movie when it first came out and I remember liking it a lot at the time. But I can't tell you how much more I appreciate it now that I'm older, and especially now that I have a family of my own. This is grandma's story about the roller coaster. I get a little teary-eyed every time I watch it. I love it so.

The analogy and the line "you get more out of it" are so gorgeous I can't stand it.

There will be times when you can't have all your ducks in a row. Sometimes you can't know what to expect, sometimes there's no clear answer, and sometimes you don't have control. It's unsettling; it's frustrating; it's far from ideal & perfect. And yet, I believe learning to navigate through situations like that and maintain your sanity can give you a great advantage. You can put this any number of ways. Enjoy the journey. Take a chance on happiness. Exercise faith. These experiences build character. Take your pick. But "embrace the chaos" seems to work best for me.

Because sometimes I feel like my life really is a sort of controlled chaos. I work full time, and in the evenings I try to give it my all in my role as wife and mom. I also have these big ideas about gardening, cooking healthy meals, learning to crochet and sew, keeping up with my book club, putting in extra preparation for the lessons I teach at church, spending time with friends, posting a status update on Facebook once in a while....oh, and occasionally I try to clean house before that small army of dust bunnies in the corner stages a formal coup d'etat. Sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day. But I'm doing the best I can, and I think I'm reaching the point in my life where I finally believe that's good enough.

The Agony of De Feet

2010-03-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

I will not be using any photo to illustrate this post because feet aren't generally very appealing in pictures. I know some people who have a thing for feet, but I am certainly not one of them. So: no photos. Also? Let me warn you against going to Google Images, and putting in "foot injuries." Because there are some things the human eye is not meant to see. And this is coming from someone who works in a hospital. Yeesh.

So, my poor feet have been suffering this week. Last Friday, I spent a deliriously happy day in the Magic Kingdom. For the first part of the day I was by myself. No children, no spouse. Just me! That might sound kind of lonely and pathetic but it was AWESOME! I could go where I wanted and walk as fast or as slow as I wanted. I didn't have to worry about eating on a schedule or avoiding something that might be too scary for the wee ones. I could be entirely selfish; and while I did miss sharing the fun with my family, being on my own was kind of refreshing. The Park was packed that day, since it was Spring Break, and lines were ridiculous. But Disneyland has these Single Rider lines, where you bypass all the poor schlubs waiting and go right to the front! Awesome! Who needs to sit next to a friend when you can bypass a 45 minute line? Anyway, I spent the early part of the day walking around alone, and then I met up with my fabulous bloggy friend Kristina and her husband Adam. And then later in the evening we were joined by Kris, Karen, peewee, and Melanie J. It was simply a fantastic day. And I'm not saying that because I ate my weight in churros, either.

At the end of a long day of walking, though, my dogs were barking. Probably because I was wearing my super awesome Converse with the flames on them. I adore these shoes, but they really have zero arch support. Why is it cute shoes (whether they be pretty girlie shoes, or fun sneakers) have to be so cruel to one's feet? When I wear Converse all day, my feet ache. But they're so much cooler than regular ol' bland athletic shoes.

I woke up Saturday bright and early, thanks to my youngest son's proclivity of rising at 5am on the weekends. I noticed that my left foot hurt on the side. It wasn't a muscular ache, or a "I've been on my feet all day" type ache. It just hurt when I put pressure on it. And if watching 9 seasons of The Biggest Loser has done anything for me, it's taught me to be paranoid that foot pain equals a stress fracture. I hoped the pain would be temporary - just a result of tromping around in crummy shoes. But in the back of my head, I still worry that something is busted in there. It's really painful to walk, whether I'm wearing shoes or not. Sometimes the pain is severe enough to make me limp. We're talking Quasimodo-impression style limping. It's quite unpleasant. Today is Day 5 of this pain. I talked to my doctor friend about this, and she suggested taking a lot of ibuprofen over the next several days to see if that fixes it. I am skeptical of this treatment plan because I don't like taking pharmaceuticals unless they're REALLY necessary. But I'm taking the stupid Motrin and hoping for the best.

Then last night I was at a Relief Society dinner at church. Things were wrapping up and we were helping to put away tables and chairs. Somehow a heavy metal folding chair fell over and smashed my right foot. I tried not to make a big deal about it because I didn't want anyone to feel bad or to fuss over me. But...seriously, I think amputation would have been slightly less painful. (Not really. But hyperbole is fun!) The entire top of my foot swelled up. Today it is not as swollen, but it's a lovely shade of green. The worst part is that my right foot is the one I messed up when I was 18. It's kind of a laughable injury. Basically, I was going to be driving a bunch of friends to the beach that evening for a bonfire. I was hurrying down our front stairs to go clean out the car, and about midway down the stairs, my toes curled under my foot as I came down on a step. It made this horrible popping sound, and I collapsed in pain instantly. Which means I also fell down the last several steps. I broke all the blood vessels in the top of my food. It swelled up like sad, purple watermelon. After a trip to the Emergency Room, and a round of x-rays, they determined that nothing was broken. But I couldn't walk on it for a couple weeks and had to keep it iced and elevated. That foot has never been the same. You know how people will joke about old football injuries or whatever? This was my lasting injury. All from being overanxious to drive to the beach.

So, let's sum up. I have (what is most likely not) a stress fracture in my left foot, making me limp around pathetically. And my right foot is swollen and bruised from having a chair dropped on it. Maybe is the universe's way of telling me I am not meant to walk anywhere.

Smurfy

2010-03-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have grave misgivings about The Smurfs Movie.

That's right. I actually devote time to thinking about a Smurfs movie. Enough that I have formed not just opinions but grave misgivings. I live a charmed life.

The cast looks really good. Neil Patrick Harris, Hank Azaria, my girl Jayma Mays (who plays Emma on Glee), Quentin Tarantino, Alan Cumming. I love all those people. Katy Perry is apparently playing Smurfette. I feel ambivalent about Katy Perry. Let's move along.

Here's where the grave misgivings start: it's live action mixed with animation. Gah! Wait...is this going to be a Who Framed Roger Rabbit? type live action & animation hybrid? Or will it be more like the recent Alvin & the Chipmunks? The guy who's supposed to direct The Smurfs Movie also directed Beverly Hills Chihuahua and the Scooby Doo movie. He's done those live action/animation movies before. And...yeah. Not feeling any better about this.

It's going to be a disaster, isn't it? And yet, I'm sure they'll want to push for a sequel just so they can call it Smurfs 2: The Smurfening.

I remember when Pirates of the Caribbean was coming out. The cast looked good, and everyone loves pirates, right? (Of course, not actual pirates since the raping and pillaging can be kind of a downer). I wanted the movie to be great, but I was 100% prepared for it to be awful. But it turned out that Curse of the Black Pearl was awesome! I admit I was completely surprised that it was so enjoyable. And you know, the success of the pirate movie really set me up for the disappointment that was The Haunted Mansion. How did I ever think that the combination of Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Tilly would produce something of quality? I am such a fool.

I also have Disney on the brain. The Magic Kingdom: she calls to me.

Anyway, I am really hoping that The Smurfs Movie with its killer cast will come through and be a success much like Pirates of the Caribbean. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm also not looking forward to the inevitable overuse of "smurfy" adjectives that will permeate the media.

Salt-N-Pepa Shakers

2010-03-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

It's a little thing, but it makes me happy.

Why I Hate 3D movies

2010-03-16T11:19:00.001-07:00

First, a history lesson. Believe it or not, 3D movies have existed since before the turn of the 20th Century. There was a guy named William Friese-Greene who patented a method of motion picture where two films were projected side by side, and then special lenses were used to merge the two images. As you can imagine, in 1890, creating the films and projecting them in this manner - in addition to creating and supplying the special lenses (called steroscopes) was far from practical. The first confirmed 3D showing in a theater was a film called The Power of Love, and was shown in 1922. But the "golden era" of 3D films wasn't until the early 1950's. It was everywhere. Horror movies starring Vincent Price were in 3D. Disneyland had a "3D Jamboree" shown in their Fantasyland Theater. The Three Stooges even did a 3D feature. All of these relied on that original patented technology of having two films projected side-by-side. This was often problematic, since the two films had to be synchronized perfectly in order to work. And...it didn't always work. Lots of people complained that 3D movies were hard on the eyes, mostly because of the faulty synchronization. In the 1960's and 70's a single-film technique was developed. 3D experienced a resurgence. Blah blah blah, I'm sure you're sick of the History of 3D. Let's get to the good stuff. Namely, 1986 brought us Captain Eo!Oh, I loved Captain Eo. Michael Jackson! In 3D! With...Angelica Houston? As a scary Borg lady who wanted to turn everyone into trashcans? Whatever. Trust me: it was beyond awesome.

And yet, I hated the 3D aspect. I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. It just seems so hokey to me. 3D just seems like a flimsy way to showcase how far technology has come. Yes, it's great that you can now have a horror film where I actually fear being struck by an axe. But...why? Why bother? And sometimes in 3D movies the effect seems so staged. Like in Journey to the Center of the Earth for example. There was this one instance where a character was playing with a yo-yo. And the sole reason was to have him do a trick where the yo-yo comes zooming at your face. It seems so cheap. It doesn't add anything to the story. It's just a visual trick. I suppose that the visual tricks are fun in their own way, but I don't go to the movies just to see something visually stunning. That's not good film making. (Avatar, I'm looking at you.)

I feel like 3D movies, in addition to giving me a headache, are the epitome of style over substance. They are the visual equivalent to a Michael Bay film. All explosions and action and excitement, but very little else. I'm not saying that it doesn't have its place in cinema. I know plenty of people who love Michael Bay films. Even I am not immune: I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Transformers. But, just the same - I want more from my movies than just a bunch of eye candy.

In other words, until they can make vampires sparkle in 3D, I want no part of it.

Celebrity Apprentice & a Disturbing Personal Revelation

2010-03-15T15:37:00.001-07:00

Time and time again, I have told myself that I will stop watching new TV shows because, in theory, I will eventually stop watching TV. I don't know why I kid myself with this theory because, for one thing, I really enjoy watching TV. And for another thing, there is ALWAYS a new show that will grab my attention. Or, in the case of Celebrity Apprentice, and old show will grab my attention. The new season of Celebrity Apprentice started last night. I have never watched The Apprentice before, nor do I have any true interest in the business world. But I was drawn in last night for three main reasons.

Reason #1: Cyndi Lauper. Oh how I adore Cyndi Lauper! She's spacey as all get out, and maybe she's getting a little old to be sporting pink hair. But you know what? I don't care in the slightest. She's fun and artsy and has a touch of The Crazy. All of which I find fantastically entertaining. Cyndi hasn't really been in the public eye much the last several years, and I'm glad to see that changing.

Reason #2: Sharon Osborne. I never watched The Osbornes when it was on TV. But I have just adored Sharon Osborne ever since that one time she got angry and threw a ham at her neighbor. A ham! I watched a little bit of America's Got Talent, but didn't really get to know Sharon until she hosted Rock of Love Charm School. She's fun and sassy and isn't afraid to speak her mind. I think she'll have patience with Cyndi Lauper for about 20 seconds, and then perhaps she'll start throwing things again! Fun!

Reason #3: Bret Michaels. Here is where the "personal revelation" part comes in. I started watching, mainly hoping for a Cyndi/Sharon face off. It WILL happen, people. Trust me. But...then I realized that I was also invested because I wanted to see Bret Michaels! You know those moments of introspection where you realize something kind of frightening about yourself? It was one of those moments. I am sickly fascinated with Bret Michaels! Heaven help me.

What's up with the TV season this year? I swear every show either started at a weird time, or has taken a funky hiatus in the middle. Currently, I have 3 shows I watch regularly (if you don't count my embarrassing commitment to America's Funniest Home Videos): The Biggest Loser, Lost and 30 Rock. Soon, FlashForward will come back, as will Glee. And about the time I'll settle into enjoying my TV schedule, it will be the long wasteland of summer reruns. Sigh!

Kudos to the Hubs

2010-03-10T13:38:00.001-08:00

March 8th is International Women's Day. I can't say that I ever remember International Women's Day or celebrate it per se. But you know who remembers every year? My husband. I don't know why he remembers or why it's important to him, but he recognizes it every year. (Well, for the last few years, anyway). He buys roses and gives one to all the women in his office, and then he comes to my office and gives all the women in MY office a flower as well (I get a few extra, as the photo shows) and then he takes me to lunch. There really isn't a lot of fanfare or anything. He just hands them out and says, "Happy International Women's Day." But I think he's kinda swell, don't you?

Your thoughts?

2010-03-05T14:45:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, my youngest sister (previously referred to as "Crazy Sister") and her husband got a divorce. It was a very long and painful process, and there were several times when they tried to reconcile only to go back to hating each other. The divorce was final in December. My sister went through a period of being really depressed, but seems to be pulling it together now. She has also stopped dating random people on the East Coast that she met via World of Warcraft. So it's a step in the right direction. Anyway, in the past couple months, Crazy Sister and her now ex-husband have been hanging out a lot. They'll go to dinner together, or watch movies at his place. Sometimes she sleeps over. Do you think that's healthy? I'm really of two minds about it. On one hand, I know they care about each other and have lots of common interests. Maybe there were just larger life issues (like finances, health stuff, having kids, etc.) where they didn't see eye-to-eye and therefore just weren't a good match for marriage. So, while the marriage wouldn't work, the friendship could. On the other hand, if it were me, I don't think I could downshift like that. I think it would be too painful. I also think it would prevent me from moving on with my life. I'm all for keeping things cordial and friendly. But hanging out several times a week? Spending the night together on occasion? I don't think that's going to speed the healing process. But maybe it would? I have mixed feelings.

What do you think, readers? I'm sure the 10 of you have some opinions on this. Do you think it's a good idea to be close friends with an ex-spouse? Does it make sense to you?

The Rain is Falling All Around

2010-03-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

I have lived in Southern California my whole life. We don't really experience a wide range of weather conditions here. It's pretty and sunny about 300 days of the year (a conservative estimate). This year, we're experiencing some El Niño conditions - which translates to a lot of rain. I'm not exactly sure what constitutes El Niño conditions. It's something about ocean temperatures and currents, I think. Whatever the case, it results in water falling from the sky! And that normally makes me really happy. I love the rain. In fact, my husband and I quite seriously considered moving to the Pacific Northwest (like Seattle, perhaps) after we got married just because we wanted to be somewhere with more rain. I think it's a classic case of the grass is always greener because if we had to deal with the rain all the time it probably wouldn't seem like such a wonderful, glorious miracle. But, we live here in San Diego. And since we don't really have seasons in the traditional sense, any weather condition other than "sunny" is a novelty. So, let me be clear: I love the rain. But the rest of this post is going to be me complaining about it.

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO RAIN ON SATURDAY? I need to work outside on Saturdays! It's my ONE day of the week when I can get out there. It's time to plant things! I have goals to accomplish! I have cucumber trellises to build and tomato cages to anchor. I need to prune my orange tree. I need to prepare my flower beds. I need to figure out where I'm planting my grapes. I have BIG PLANS, universe! Why do you have to punish me by having it rain, consistently, on the ONE day I have to work on all this stuff? It will be dry pretty much all week. Then Friday rolls around, and invariably I hear on the radio that more rain is coming. It will rain solidly through Saturday, and clear up on Sunday. Just in time for the Sabbath! When I would be inside most of the day anyway. When it rains on Saturday, there is also zero chance of me getting the Mister to mow. You might ask why I don't mow the lawn myself. The short answer is this: I'm afraid of the lawn mower. I'm afraid I will trip or stumble or there will be circumstances that will lead to me having my feet mulched by the mower's whirling blades. I am not joking. I don't like to get near that thing.

Okay. End rant. Thank you for letting me vent.

Completely unrelated news: the cast of Glee is going on tour!

OK Go, Video #2

2010-03-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

You know how I posted the new OK Go video about a month ago? Apparently they made a second video for the same song. This one has no marching bands or weird moss people. But it's completely awesome and I adore it. Check it out:

There's even a small clip of them on the treadmills! Woo!

Gardening Progress

2010-03-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

Check out my babies! These are the wee little seedlings growing on my kitchen counter. I used little peat pellets, but then also put them into peat pots because I didn't know a better way to organize them so I'd remember what was sprouting where. This photo was taken over a week ago, so the tiny green sprouts are actually a couple inches tall by now. I have six tomato plants, two cucumbers, some basil and some rosemary. I just picked stuff at random to start indoors. Most things I'm just going to sow straight into the garden within the next couple weeks. Right now I'm busy reading up on planting techniques to make the most of the space I have. I also spent several hours last Saturday pulling weeds in the pouring rain. Such is my dedication to this new gardening endeavor.

I also attended a gardening class last week, conducted by my dear friend Cassie. I was so fired up, I promptly ordered more seeds from Seed Savers the following day. I really have gone crazy with the seeds. How can I possibly grow all this stuff? Here's a list of all the seeds I bought:

Brandywine tomatoes
Pear tomatoes (both red and yellow)
2 types of cucumbers
Carrots
Zucchini
Swiss chard
Yellow corn
Red Corn
Green Beans
Purple pole beans
Pumpkins
Squash
Watermelon
Basil
Cilantro
Rosemary
Dill

I also have tons of flower seeds:
Sunflowers
Cosmos
Zinnias
Nasturtium
Johnny Jump Ups
Alyssum
Lavender

What am I doing? Incidentally, if you're interested in more of my ramblings about my yard and gardening and other dorky things like that, you can check out my other blog: My Green Ambitions.

eBay's Most Haunted

2010-02-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked up haunted items on eBay? There are a ton of them! Haunted rings, bracelets, stones, jewelry boxes and dolls. So, you know, if ever you felt like your home needed its own demon or poltergeist - but you didn't know where to start shopping - look no further.

For you Twilight fans out there, here's a ring that is said to even attract vampires! (I hope that link will work even after the auction is over!)

But the real jewels of these haunted listings are the crazy, crazy descriptions. Like this blurb from the description of a haunted doll:

Finally in August of the summer my husband heard a rumor that the house was going to be knocked over and we would never see it again. In fact, the person who told this to my husband worked for the same company and confided in him that the boss did not want my husband to know it was coming down. The date to knock it over was on the birthday of one of the children in the cemetary. It was a little girl named Maddie. At least thats what I thought her name was. There is a tiny head stone in the cemetary right below the womans grave. So tiny you knew that it was a child buried there. It simply has the intials M.A.A. I believed it was their daughter Martha Anne Arrington but she was called Maddie. I named this doll after her. Later while still doing my investigating I found out that the daughter Maddie had grown and had children of her own. There was no other child in the family with these exact intials. So who was M.A.A.? Well I had a dream one night I was sitting in that cemetary with one of my dolls. Her name is Ruthie. I was brushing Ruthies hair and all the sudden a little girl about the age of 5 was sitting next to me. This is kind of morbid but I need to tell you what she said to me. I could only see her in dark gray and black. There was no color to Maddie. Her hair was wild and full of dirt as her teeth looked the same. They had dirt in them and they were cracking and falling out. One time she smiled at me and several of her teeth hit the ground. Her clothes were filthy and I was frightened at first. She finally spoke to me and I was surprised to hear this sweet little voice who asked me if she could hold my doll. I handed Ruthie over to this little girl and sat and watched her brush Ruthie's hair. When she handed Ruthie back to me she giggled and asked me why I called her Maddie and I asked her if that was her name. She stood up on those filthy broken legs and I watched dirt and rocks fall from her hair and dress. She said "no silly,my name is Mary Alice Arrington." I guess I was miffed by this because I had never seen that name on all the papers I found about this family. Anyway, that night Mary Alice taught me to fly. It was amazing. After that we went back to the cemetary and she told me it was time for her to go back to sleep because that is what her daddy wanted. She sat on her butt and then laid back on the ground and I watched as the earth swallowed her. The last thing she said to me was "come back and visit me again and bring the doll" I told her I would. When I woke up the next day my only goal was to find out who was Mary Alice Arrington and to this day, I dont know who she is or how she came to be in that cemetary. There is NO RECORD of this child having lived never mind being one of the family members. Not even the servants had this name.

There's much, much more to the description, but I thought I'd just give you a short (ha!) blurb. I think you get the gist of The Crazy. That eBay seller is a hoot. If you look at all the stuff she has for sale - there's a bunch of creepy haunted dolls, along with children's toys, homemade fudge and infant formula. Delightful!

Completely Overrated

2010-02-18T10:07:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned yesterday, I just recently watched Citizen Kane for the first time. It seems like Citizen Kane is at the top of any list of great movies. It's described as epic, as a masterpiece, as the greatest movie ever made. I just don't get it. Why do people rave about this film? They can't all be fans of the innovative deep focus technique used by the cinematographer.

Citizen Kane, if you haven't seen it, is just the story about Charles Foster Kane's life. How, at a young age, he was taken from his parents (after his mother unexpectedly came into money) to be raised and educated by wealthy trustees. It follows his rise to power as a newspaper man during the age of yellow journalism, his aspiring political career that was destroyed by scandal, and his sad degeneration into a sorry recluse. Sounds cheery, doesn't it? Along the way there's lots of fancy directing to emphasize the themes of isolation, power, and materialism. In a lot of respects, I get what the film was trying to do - and can recognize that it succeeded. But my question is: why does the film community feel like Citizen Kane succeeds on such a higher plane than other films? I honestly don't understand it. The movie isn't exactly a compelling story. There is no riveting plot. Charlie Kane is far from a sympathetic character. In fact, most of the characters are unlikeable. The big mystery about Rosebud wasn't really a mystery at all. To me it just seemed like a flimsy device to explain why they were investigating Kane's life in the first place.

Also, it kind of bugs me that everyone wonders what Kane's final word meant when no one was actually around when he died. Or, at least, it didn't seem like it to me. We see him at the beginning, alone in his room. He whispers "Rosebud" and then drops a snow globe. Then the maid comes in and finds him dead. So...who exactly heard his last word, anyway? Was the maid listening at the door or something? This is one reason why I feel like the Rosebud thing was a flimsy device.

Now that I've rambled for several paragraphs, allow me to sum up: the movie is a bit of a downer, doesn't move very fast, and doesn't have a satisfying ending. I don't understand why it's seen as such a monument to film making. Completely overrated.

Movies I've Never Seen

2010-02-17T12:30:00.001-08:00

You know how there are certain movies that everyone assumes you've seen? That it's just a given that you'll have seen them at some point or another? And, truthfully, you probably have seen bits and pieces of them over the years - you just haven't sat down and watched them from beginning to end. This past weekend I watched Citizen Kane for the first time. It got me thinking about other movies that I've never seen. Most of these movies I know a lot about. I could probably give you a synopsis of the plot. I could probably quote them, make jokes and references. But I've never watched them in their entirety. There are many, many movies that could go on this list. But here's the ones I can think of off the top of my head:

1. Titanic
2. It’s a Wonderful Life
3. Schindler’s List
4. This is Spinal Tap
5. The Godfather
6. Gone with the Wind
7. The Exorcist
8. The Graduate
9. ET
10. The Outsiders
11. Jaws (any of them)
12. Any James Bond movie
13. Weird Science
14. St. Elmo's Fire
15. The Karate Kid

Goal #2: The Diet

2010-02-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

I wonder if there's ever been a formal survey or study that looked into how many people set a New Year's Resolution to lose weight. I'm sure it's a lot. I like to tell myself that my goal isn't really so much about losing weight as it is about generally improving my health. It's not so much a diet in the sense that I plan to restrict my calories for a certain amount of time until I lose a few sizes. It's more about improving my overall nutritional intake and general health. That is ultimately my true goal: just getting healthy. But, the bottom line is that I have about 75 pounds to lose. That's...rather daunting. Improving my health means losing some poundage. They go hand in hand. I have a long road ahead of me.

I'm trying to follow the Weight Watchers plan because I feel like it's an easy way to keep track of what I eat. I understand the system. It works for me. I don't follow it perfectly all the time. But I'm generally staying on track. In January I lost about 8 pounds. That averages to two pounds a week which is freakin' awesome. And yet, I'm not feeling all that confident or accomplished. It's not like 8 pounds really makes much of a difference in my size at this point. But, it's 8 pounds less! I'll take it! Even if I only lose a pound a week - which is supposed to be the rate you shoot for when losing weight - I'll be close to my ultimate goal by the end of the year. That's good enough.

Back to the subject of food. In January, I watched the movie Food, Inc. It really, if you'll pardon the expression, gave me food for thought. I didn't think the movie was perfect. It used a lot of Shock and Awe to get it's message across. But I still thought it was very interesting and important. It's made me think about food in a different way. It's helping me toward my goal. I can tell you that I have never eaten as many vegetables as I have over the last few weeks. I like vegetables just fine, but I never really went out of my way to include them in my meals. Now I do. It's a small change, but I can tell it's making a difference. I'm also trying to eat more organic foods, and cut back on the amount of meat I eat. I'd like to tell you that I've also been inspired to cut back on processed foods. But it's Girl Scout cookie time, and I am only human.

Stay tuned for Goal #3: Exercise! In that post I'm going to geek out and talk about how much I adore the Wii Fit. Then I will journey into Crazy Town by saying that I want to start running. Yeah, that's right. Running. And not because I'm being chased by an axe murderer.

I Miss the Treadmills

2010-02-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

OK Go has a new video. It's not as cool as the one with the treadmills but you have to admit they set the bar pretty high with that one. And apparently there's a corporate conspiracy to keep us from embedding videos from YouTube. If you care about such a thing you can read about it here.

It's interesting to me to read that article, and to ponder how the music industry is changing. I'm sure that with TiVo and DVRs, the way TV programming works must be undergoing a similar change. If you think about it, TV programming is all based on ratings. But the days when it was all up to the Nielsen Families are over. I know there are shows I watch regularly that are on TV at the same time. Like last week, when the Biggest Loser was on at the same time as Lost. Both of which, I believe, were on at the same time as American Idol (though I couldn't care less about AI). The networks pit these shows against each other in an effort to "win" the time slot. But how are they really winning? I'm going to watch both shows either way. In fact, even with shows I love, I sometimes prefer to watch them from the DVR or on the internet because I want to avoid the commercials. Commercials which are sold based on ratings. The whole system needs to change. I don't know how it's going to change. I wish there had been a more reliable ratings system in place before Pushing Daisies had been cancelled. Not that I'm bitter.

Anyway, enjoy the new video. There are freaky grass people and marching bands. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type.

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.

Buca's Lemon Chicken

2010-01-30T13:36:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite restaurants is Buca di Beppo. We stumbled on this restaurant while on vacation with my family. We were at Universal Studios, and my sister who is a very picky eater wanted Italian food. So we tried Buca, not having ever heard of it before (even though it's a national chain). We loved their family style dining and fun atmosphere. But what we especially loved was the Chicken with Lemon. It has this buttery lemon sauce that's simply to die for. And I'd looked around for a recipe for quite some time, never finding one that quite duplicated the original. I even tried writing to Buca's corporate office to see if I could weasel the recipe out of them. No luck.

But, the internet is a wild and wonderful place. You can find almost anything if you're willing to look hard enough. Fortunately, I didn't really have to look very hard this last time. Apparently others out there were looking for the same recipe, found it, and then wanted to share. And now I'm paying it forward. Because this recipe? Awwwwwesome.

I made this with fresh lemons from my tree. I didn't have capers on hand, and my family usually doesn't like them anyway. Since the recipe is for 2 servings, I doubled everything. Actually, I cooked 6 chicken breasts. It worked well. Plenty of sauce. A word to the wise: if you're like me and love lemons, you might be tempted to put some extra lemon in there. Don't go overboard. The recipe is good as-is. If you add too much extra lemon, it gets really tart. I still liked it, but the wee ones in my family did not.

Happy cooking!

Buca's Chicken with Lemon

2 x boneless skinless chicken breasts (6 oz ea) pounded to 1/2 inch
Salt to taste
1 cup flour
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white wine
4 large lemons
1/2 stk unsalted butter softened
A small handful drained capers

Cut three lemons in half and use for fresh lemon juice. Cut the last lemon into wedges for garnish.

Begin to heat the olive oil in a 12-inch saute pan on medium-high heat. While oil is getting hot, lightly season both sides of the chicken breasts with salt. Lightly dust the chicken breasts in the flour. Shake off excess flour. Place chicken in the saute pan.

When the chicken is golden brown, turn over and brown the other side as well. It is important to brown both sides to insure the chicken is completely cooked through. When both sides are nice and brown, add white wine and lemon juice. Continue to cook for approximately two to three minutes. The liquid should reduce approximately half.
Once the liquid is reduced, remove the chicken breasts from the pan and turn off heat.

Finish the sauce by placing the softened butter in the pan. Using rubber spatula, work the butter into the sauce as it melts. Pour sauce directly on top of chicken breasts. Garnish with capers and lemon wedges.

This recipe yields 2 servings.

Goal #1: The Garden

2010-01-29T10:47:00.000-08:00

A couple posts ago I talked about how I had many resolutions/goals for the New Year. One of them is to finally start my garden. I have been very interested in gardening for a while. At first, when I lived in an apartment, I thought about having a little container garden since I didn't have a yard or patio. That never happened because I lived in a less savory area, and there were a lot of punks roaming around the neighborhood who loved to do things like smash flowerpots. I knew I'd be devastated if I managed to keep some plants alive only to have them stolen or destroyed. So the gardening ambitions were put on hold. I did, however develop a little library of gardening books. (Now ask me how many of them I actually read.) Then we finally bought a house! I had a yard! With a bit of space to plant things! But the planting space was covered with overgrown weeds and dying brush. We had so much work to do just to clean it up. Since the Mister and I both work, the only real time we had to devote to yard stuff was the weekend. We tried, but it felt like we barely scratched the surface of what needed to be done. And did you know that you could spend all weekend pulling weeds and they'd grow right back? True story.

Then, back in August, my father-in-law and his wife came for a visit. It was the hottest time of the year, and they were on vacation. Yet they spent almost 3 weeks straight working all day long in the sweltering heat, getting our yard in shape. Honestly, I was overwhelmed with the generosity of this service. It truly wasn't something we could accomplish on our own. In addition to removing all the dead and dying plants and bushes, they also pruned all the trees, rebuilt sections of our fence, put up a gate on the side yard, dismantled a giant (and useless) trellis thing that took up the entire side yard, tore out ugly hedges, and built us a patio cover. It really was a whole new yard when they finished.

So, the yard is almost ready for some plants. Our soil needs some help, and the raised beds need to be raised a bit more. But we're almost there. I poured over seed catalogs, and chose several types of flowers, a few vegetables, and one awesome watermelon. These are the things I plan to grow. I am so, so excited about this new gardening adventure.

Stay tuned for info on goal #2: the diet. Dun dun DUN!

Love Song for NPH

2010-01-28T13:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, Neil Patrick Harris! Oh, Neil Patrick Harris! What joy your bring to my world. I'm really sorry that I forgot you were on American Idol last night, because I would have tuned in or at least recorded it with my DVR. You are so funny and cute and likeable. I simply cannot say enough good things about you. I love how you embrace the cheese that is Doogie Howser, MD. Unlike certain other actors who are embarrassed or irritated when you bring up past roles, you own it. That's right, you played a teenage doctor on TV and we liked it. And then you made this awesome commercial which actually made me forget for a moment how much I hate the smell of Old Spice:

You are beyond awesome.

And then you made Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog. I knew nothing about it, and bought it on a whim because your picture on the cover cracked me up. It was not a purchase I regretted. You were awesome, and I want to go out for frozen yogurt with you.

When I think of celebrities I'd like to know in real life, you are right at the top of the list. You're hilarious and lovable. Never change.

Laughter That Brings Me Out of Hiding

2010-01-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

Howdy, friends! It's been a long time! But, I figured it's time to come back to the blogging world. Heh. When I first typed that, I typed "blooging" which sounds like something dirty that might have happened at a milk bar in A Clockwork Orange. But I digress.

I was over at Go Fug Yourself just now, and saw their post about figure skaters:

Look at that majestic white jumpsuit! Of course I thought we were going to be talking it up on the Barry Gibb talk show. Talking about sequins. Talking about crazy, crazy ruffles.

That part about the Barry Gibb Talk Show cracked me up. The Barry Gibb Talk Show was one of those SNL skits that was made infinitely more entertaining simply because the actors were cracking up. If Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon were totally serious and straight faced, the skit would have been funny - but not as funny.

It reminds me of how, when I was younger, I was totally obsessed with reruns of the Carol Burnett Show. I LOVED that show. I wish it would come out on DVD. And the skits I seemed to like the most were the ones where Harvey Korman - rest his soul - would crack up. Which I guess was most of the skits he was in, now that I think of it. Whenever the actors have a hard time keeping a straight face, it just makes it that much better! The sketch that stands out in my mind the most was this parody of Gone with the Wind called Went with the Wind. Now brought to you through the magic of YouTube!

Around the 5 minute mark, there's a part where Harvey Korman is carrying Carol Burnett up the stairs, but he keeps stepping on her dress. He's laughing, and you can actually hear Carol say "just keep going!" I love how they try to compose themselves to keep on with the scene.

My point is: laughter is infectious! So, let's invite more of it into our lives, shall we? I'll try to bring you a little bit through the ol' blog once in a while.

MIA

2010-01-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I've been a stranger lately, gentle readers. I don't mean to neglect you. I have been thinking for quite some time now that I needed to sit down and catch up both with my own blog and with those in my Google Reader. But it's a slow process. Especially since I've been so occupied lately. Both in the sense that I've had a lot to do, and also in the sense that my mind has been busy.

The closing of the year is usually a time of intense introspection on my part, coupled with the traditional resolutions and goal-setting for the new year. The 2009-2010 transition was no different, so there are many, many things I plan to do! Many, many things I am working on. Many, many changes in the works.

...but not much time to discuss them all right now. Things are crazy for me this time of year at work. That keeps me busy during the day. And I don't really get on the computer much when I'm at home. Parenting, cooking, cleaning, various projects...seems like I run out of time before I even set foot in the door in the evenings!

Anyway, give me another week or so to get back into the groove. Then I'll be posting here, and commenting on your blogs, like I did in times of yore.

Smooches!

GOOP's Christmas Message

2009-12-25T08:22:00.000-08:00

You know that mocking stuff in GOOP is one of my favorite things. In the Christmas Day edition, Gwyneth includes this bit from Cynthia Bourgeault:

Don’t get tricked into confusing truth with facticity — i.e., facts and figures that seem to prove an “objective” reality. We know little about the historical Jesus — other than that he seems to have actually existed in first century Palestine and created enough anxiety in the minds of his religious and political superiors that he suffered a criminal’s death. Beyond that it’s all speculation, and the “facts” we look for, whether by archeology or textual criticism — are themselves open to speculation. But what is true is PRECISELY the subjective element: Whoever this Jesus may have been, his teaching and his existence in and of itself made such an impact on people that they passed on his story like wildfire and even founded a new religion to carry his teaching to the world. Over twenty centuries, the explosive energy of the Jesus event has changed the world. That much is true.

It’s also true that people continue to meet him in their hearts and in their lives, and over the centuries, creating some of the most remarkable human beings who have been the model of the highest possible degree of what human dignity and compassion are all about. Think about St. Francis... Thomas Merton... Dorothy Day... Mother Theresa... Dag Hammarskjold. For all these people the encounter with Jesus changed their lives and rekindled the flame of human striving. Is this all just massive self-delusion? Or is it the actual working mechanics of how everything that’s really REAL in our lives — love, beauty, hope, forgiveness — always seems to change us from the inside out.

Facts remain facts, but our relationship to them is what reveals truth. So it is with Jesus, and all the great spiritual beings who from time to time visit our planet to awaken us to the vastness of the divine Mystery, and the human heart that receives it. The two are inseparable, and the cure for “delusion” is not facticity, but clear and luminous vision.

That, incidentally, is what the star above the manger in Bethlehem represents symbolically: the clear and luminous vision that can proclaim “Peace on Earth, Good Will toward humankind.” The story is perhaps a legend, but the message is utterly true. And it is the message I wish to each and every one of you GOOP readers in this magical, mysterious season of Christmastide. Blessings to one and all!

I thought that was beautiful. Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Christmas Shoes

2009-12-23T12:12:00.001-08:00

We've been listening to Christmas music on the radio in my office all month. A local radio station plays nothing but Christmas music from Thanksgiving through New Year's, and I love it. I'm one of those people who could (and does!) listen to Christmas music all year long. That's one thing I love about random shuffle on my iPod. Sometimes in the middle of June I'll get a little Stevie Wonder singing What Christmas Means to Me. Always puts me in a great mood. But I digress. We've been listening to Christmas music in the office, and though there are thousands of Christmas albums out there, the radio station plays the same rotation of songs pretty much every day. One of these songs is that one about The Christmas Shoes. You know the one. It's atrocious and sappy and meant to make you cry. But I've heard it every day, all month long. And I realized something today. When I hear that song, and I'm picturing the little boy clutching the Christmas shoes to his chest, explaining to a nameless stranger about how he needs to buy these shoes for his mother who will "meet Jesus" that night...I picture the shoes looking like this:
There's a fun little glimpse into how my mind works. Merry Christmas!

GOOP: Merry Christmas from the FTC

2009-12-18T10:54:00.001-08:00

In this week's GOOP newsletter, Gwyneth talks about how she recently took an impromptu vacation to Marrakesh, Morocco:Isn't it nice that she give us all these tips? In case you're bored sometime and decide that you need to get out of the house, why not try Morocco? Maybe stay in the fabulous La Mamounia hotel. It's recently renovated, and rooms start around $800 a night. It's a total bargain.

I wasn't originally going to write anything about this week's GOOP because I am 100% bored with Gwyneth lately. The cooking and food suggestions are bland. Even her holiday gift ideas were boring. They weren't even outrageous enough to mock effectively! And I thought this Marrakesh newsletter was more of the same. But then I saw this article, which describes how Gwynnie is in violation of Federal Trade Commission guidelines for not disclosing that she had a paid endorsement for her little Moroccan adventure. Apparently her little impromptu trip was over Thanksgiving weekend, where she attended the grand opening of the La Mamounia hotel along with other VIPs. So you know she probably didn't pay for anything.

The article states:

...a celebrity who endorses a product or service has to disclose any "material connection" to the provider -- a designation that covers not only cash compensation but also free merchandise or services. The new rules specifically target new media like e-newsletters and websites, the two formats in which Goop is published...

Under the strictest reading of the new rules, bloggers or celebrities who make endorsements without disclosing material compensation are subject to fines of up to $11,000. FTC officials, however, have made it clear that such fines would be targeted mainly at advertisers and would be levied only in serious cases

So, Gwyneth might face a fine, though I sort of doubt it. Still, I kind of love Gwyneth being called out. Delicious!

Blue Christmas

2009-12-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything in a while. I have these fleeting ideas about things to talk about, but the posts never seem to materialize. I'm looking forward to the holidays very much, but I also have a touch of the blues lately. Crazy Sister's divorce is final now, and my ex-brother-in-law seemingly wants nothing to do with our family anymore. Which I guess is kind of understandable, but also makes me sad. I also can't help but miss my father this time of year. So...just a joke for now, in the interest of keeping a smile on my face. I saw this on a message board, and it cracked me up.

A woman walks into a bar.

She says to the bartender, "I’d like a double entendre, please.”

So he gives it to her.

Gift for the Star Wars Geek in Your Life

2009-12-03T14:21:00.000-08:00

Last year when I had just barely started this blog, I had a few posts that were gift ideas for the holidays. What worked out nicely in my favor because my husband read those posts and ended up getting me a bunch of that stuff for Christmas. Sweeeeet.

This item is something for the Star Wars geek in your life. Now, I know that a Tauntaun sleeping bag is totally impractical. But! But! It's a Tauntaun sleeping bag! And the zipper looks like a lightsaber! And the inside is printed to look like Tauntaun guts! That is pure awesomesauce. Here's the blurb from Think Geek (which is a super cool website for all things geeky!):

Slumber in the Belly of the Beast

In the sub-zero wasteland of the planet Hoth, only the strong survive... and of course those lucky Jedi protected by the thick skin of a Tauntaun. Now after exhaustive movie viewing research and analysis ThinkGeek Labs has isolated the exact synthetic compounds needed to re-create Tauntaun fur. What have we done with this supreme knowledge? Created a Tauntaun sleeping bag of course.

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, printed internal intestines, and a plush lightsaber zipper pull. Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is "Attack of the Clones" you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of "Empire Strikes Back".

Use the plush lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass. If your kids don't change their tune on which Star Wars film is the greatest ever, you can do your best Jar Jar impression until they repent.

I totally love the Think Geek people. You should, too.

Like Living in a Frat House

2009-11-27T20:07:00.000-08:00

My 18 month old son has the stomach flu. I have been vomited upon 4 times today.

Is He Your Huckleberry?

2009-11-24T15:27:00.001-08:00

What happened to you, Val Kilmer? Seriously, are you ill or something? Maybe you're on prednisone? Is that why you're so puffy? Is it just hard living? Are you a walking cautionary tale?

Whatever the case, your visage is disturbing to me. You are an American tragedy.

Feelin' the Love

2009-11-24T09:15:00.001-08:00

Just the other day, I was saying to my coworkers that while I was looking forward to the holidays and making preparations, I wasn't feeling the same excitement that I usually do. Yeah, Thanksgiving is in a couple days. But it just felt like I was getting ready for a big turkey dinner. It didn't have the same holiday feel. The silver lining was that I didn't feel stressed out about the holidays. But...I prefer the excitement and stress over general malaise any day.

I bought breakfast for a homeless man this morning. I was getting myself some stuff at Starbucks (I'm addicted to their signature hot chocolate) and I saw him on the side of the building. He didn't ask me for anything, and I'm not sure why I felt impressed to buy him a meal. I just felt like it was something I should do. Not to sound cheeseball, but I have been in a fantastic mood ever since because of it. It made me feel really good to do something nice for that guy. It also made me think about how much I have, and how I might not have that much power to change things but I can still make a difference. I just sometimes let silly things get in my way. And suddenly, my attitude about the holidays has changed. I'm so excited for the holidays and for spending fun times with my dear family. I'm feeling optimistic and joyful! Yay! I truly have so much to celebrate.

So bring on the holidays. I'm feelin' the love.

Peppermint Bark

2009-11-24T09:09:00.000-08:00

If you're a fan of chocolate minty goodness, I highly recommend you purchase some Dove Peppermint Bark. Dove chocolates are always super smooth and creamy, and this peppermint bark is the same - except there's delicious little crunchy mint bits in it as well. White chocolate on top, dark chocolate on the bottom. It's fantastic. And a lot less effort than making it yourself.

Twilight Barbies

2009-11-17T13:20:00.000-08:00

Just in time for holiday shopping. Poor Edward looks particularly bad. (Wonder if his abs are painted-on like in the movie!)